


Blood Orange

by cafffine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Clone Centric, Cody on GOD we need to get you some therapy, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, NO clonecest NO rexsoka, Rex is not a side character cause I love him too much, Slow Burn, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafffine/pseuds/cafffine
Summary: Cody reached out to ruffle his hair, “I’ll come play later, I have work to do.”Rex ducked away and drooped his shoulders in a pout, “You always say that.”“It’s always true.” Cody turned back to the scene in front of him, this wasn’t an exact memory, but he knew how it ended.-A little brother that grew up without permission and a General he cannot ever have in the way he wants, the war lasts only three years, to a clone it is a lifetime.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 94
Kudos: 348





	1. The Good Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on my new account and I'm really excited to restart on here! This first chapter kind of skips around a bit but it's all linear and shouldn't be too confusing I hope.

He was out for a moment, or maybe longer there wasn’t anyone who saw it happen, but when he came to the only thing he could register was the dirt pressed to his cheek and the wetness on his face.

When he tells the story, because everyone always asks, “Where’d you get that scar Commander?” He skips that part, the bit about laying in the dirt. It wasn’t important, he starts with General Kenobi’s voice, calm and even saying;

“Keep your eyes closed Commander, that’s it, put your arm around me.”

The pain had seeped in by the time the General and a few other men got him propped up on his feet and shuffling back to the ship, it wasn’t overbearing, he was mostly disoriented. He remembered blinking the blood out of his eyes over and over despite the sting.

General Kenobi kept nudging him as they trudged along, his tone pleading, “Cody you must listen to me, I won’t let you trip just keep your eyes closed it’s easier that way.”

There wasn’t much else he could remember though, so at the end of the story he always makes something up about there being bloodstains all over his armor or his helmet being broken into pieces with him still in it, something to make it all sound more exciting.

-

General Kenobi cut his hair around the same time Cody was approved for combat after the incident. It happened early in the war, only 7 months in, but to Cody that always marked the end of the first half. Before he got the scar, before General Kenobi cut his hair, after a few years it became such an idealized memory of valiant warfare and hopeful times that Cody began to wonder if he was remembering any of it correctly. The second half of the war, or really the next two years were easier to map out in his mind, there was nothing to glorify.

On Christophsis they lost more men than he had expected and a few transport ships had to fly back empty. From then on he started calling for a couple fewer shuttles than needed after a major conflict, he’d rather the men crowd in together than have to tell another pilot to leave without anyone on board. It was things like this that he wasn’t sure how to mention in training seminars.

Ryloth went well, his men did good work there. He received a holo-message from Senator Amidala two days after they left for Coruscant.

“I hope you are aware of how meaningful your victory on Ryloth was Commander, I have spoken with Senator Orn Free Taa who could not be more grateful for the way you and your men protected his people at their most vulnerable moment.” She spoke carefully but never came off as cold like most politicians Cody had met. He watched the pre-recorded message from his small bunk on the Negotiator, her flowing dress, the intricate jewelry hanging from her hair, the effortless confidence, it all made him feel so shabby all of a sudden.

She paused for a moment to suppress a smile, “I have spoken with Master Kenobi and he warns me you will turn any honors down but, there are many of us here in the Republic who would very much like to recognize your service in a more formal setting.”

It was only a holo-message, but Cody struggled to meet her steady gaze, choosing to focus on her gloved hands or the way her necklace caught the light. The General was right to have warned her, medals and speeches were not part of his job.

“Please do consider the offer Commander. I hope to be seeing you soon, but if not-I,” She faltered, almost awkwardly. “Thank you for bringing Master Kenobi back in one piece, it’s no small feat.” She finally allowed herself a half-smile before ending the message.

He turned her offer down of course, but saved the message under a coded title. A republic senator thanking a clone personally? Stars, things really must be getting bad.

-

The second year of the war came up on them quickly, and with their forces stretched thinner by the day, tactics became desperate. When the General took him and a small team of men to the citadel prison, it was suggested that they fly in frozen in carbonite to avoid detection by life scans. There was nothing for Cody to do but shrug off the ethics code violations, _At all costs,_ he thought to himself, _Victory at all costs._

The mission itself was a bloodbath, Echo was KIA and Rex didn’t say anything the whole flight back to base. It wasn’t what Cody would have done, Fives was clearly shell-shocked and needed some kind of attention, but Rex just sat there and picked at the paint on his gauntlet. Cody was a superior officer, he could have clapped Rex on the shoulder and said something like “C’mon Captain, your men need to hear from you.” But he’d known Echo too, a long time, it would be a hard name to put in the report. So he didn’t say anything to Rex, just let him simmer.

Rex was a good leader, most of the time, he knew how to keep relationships professional. Never too friendly or too gruff with his men, he wouldn’t go out drinking with them but wouldn’t try to stop it either, a good formula to generate respect. But it was hard not to critique the other commanding officers on their leadership. At times it was so glaringly obvious that some of them only held rank because of age or rushed promotions, it was dangerous.

Cody was one of the few men left who knew Rex before he started working with General Skywalker and the 501st. Maybe it was the blonde hair, but Rex always stood out in his memories of Kamino. He had been this big-eyed cadet who started following him around during breaks and mealtimes when they were only a few years old. Rex’s social skills never developed past the awkward stage and physically defective clones always got shunned as kids, so he really made for a pitiable scene. When Cody finally caved and called him over one day to sit at his table for lunch, Rex had grinned at him for the whole period, didn’t even touch his food. Everyone needed a little brother to boss around and Cody had finally found his.

One night when they were up late writing a report on useless trench building tactics, Rex had gotten ruffled over some joke about them being “The prettiest shields the Jedi could’ve ordered!” and slammed his tablet down on the table to raise a finger at the cadet who cracked the joke. “You know something vod, stuff like that isn’t funny.” He never sounded angry, just always so earnest.

Cody reached up to gently lower Rex’s finger, the last thing they needed was a wrestling match. “You know he’s just trying to rile you up.”

Rex turned on him quickly then, fiercely meeting Cody’s eyes, “You know it too Twenty-two.” That’s what they all called him before he was Cody. “We’re the best there’s ever been.”

A couple of the other cadets started laughing but Cody was held in place by Rex’s gaze.

“When the Jedi come to us for help, we’re gonna put those republic nat-borns to shame.” He said, eyes searching Cody’s face for agreement, “If they send us to war there’s nothing that’ll stop us, nothing in the whole karking galaxy.”

He always wondered if Rex remembered saying that to him, and how long he believed it. Probably until Umbara, if he had to guess.

Then they were separated for a few years. Cody left the ARC program for command while Rex stayed behind to be Alpha-17’s prized pupil. That gap in Rex’s timeline remained because whatever Alpha did to him for those long years apart was never really talked about. If asked, Rex would just mutter something along the lines of “Should’ve just called him Jango.”

Cody knew better than to go digging into someone’s past but out of selfish curiosity, he tried to find Rex’s ARC training reports. He had been so desperate for an explanation on what had changed Rex from that weird little kid to the impulsive, reckless soldier he was now. In the end though the ARC reports were sealed and an explanation never came. Cody got his little brother back, albeit a bit more deadly than he remembered, and Rex turned into the best captain in the GAR, Alpha would have been proud. Cody did his best to protect him, it still felt like part of his job, but he never seemed to be there when Rex needed him most. He couldn’t save Echo, he wasn’t there on Umbara. 

There wasn’t much to say about Umbara and there wasn’t much to say about General Kenobi faking his death a few months later either. He received the news in a message sent out by Fox;

_CC-2224,_

_The Jedi Order and all members of the Galactic Republic regret to inform you of the death of Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi. A full statement from the Jedi council as well as details on the funeral will be released shortly._

_Condolences,_

_CC-1010_

_Coruscant Guard_

_[UNOFFICIAL CORRESONDANCE] <NOTE>: I’m sorry Cody there was nothing we could have done, I’m here if you have any questions. Fox _

Usually when Cody lost people it was in battle; they would go down screaming or in a burst of blaster fire. But the dim hallway of the clone barracks on Coruscant was silent, completely still. He read the message twice before shutting the holo-pad off and leaning hard into the wall next to him. He could feel a chill creep from the small of his back all the way up his spine and finally to the back of his head, leaving him dizzy and short of breath. Around him he heard doors start to open, murmurs from his brothers who had all received the same message.

The memory of the next three weeks haunted him, it lived in his mind crystal clear. He could recall every damn second of that carved-out feeling, and worse, the thought that he could feel that way forever. Even after it had all blown over, he still felt suffocated by the fear of what loss could turn him into. If he had been shaken that deeply by the death of a man he’d known only as a superior officer, what would he become if Rex didn’t come back one day?

He started hearing a voice in the back of his head every time Rex would get huffy and point his finger like he did as a child, or when the General would smile up at him after a battle, not a hair out of place, _Better hope you go first,_ it would whisper, _Or it will feel just like this._

-

Cody wasn’t as thorough as Rex but the movements of the 212th were well recorded. He could pull up a complete rundown of just about every supply transport, full-frontal engagement, dogfight, or stealth mission he’d completed and relive it all through his own writing if he so wished, nearly anyone could. The Jedi Order and Galactic senate had access to the GAR mission reports, and libraries in a couple different Republic systems held declassified files. In a strange way, it didn’t sit right with him, to have everything he’d ever done since he opened his eyes logged somewhere in a database or two.

As a result of the public eye, the memories from past missions that didn’t come from reading over old files were so much dearer to him, no matter how benign. It was comforting, or maybe exciting in a secretive way to know that no one in the whole galaxy would ever read about the time General Kenobi made two cups of tea in his tent one night, while they were camping in the windswept mountains of Fest. Cody’s official report read:

_Night One: Set camp at checkpoint 1 [see map], night patrol squadrons - 3 hours shifts, no disturbances reported._

But the way he remembered it was much nicer.

Cody was finishing up his briefing for the night patrol and the General had come up behind him, touching his arm lightly to get his attention. Cody was only in his armor from the belt down and the warmth of the General’s hand went straight through his blacks to his skin.

General Kenobi stepped closer to him, keeping his voice down so the troopers bustling around them wouldn’t hear, “It’s been an awfully long day so I understand if you’d rather get to bed, but I haven’t had Fest quality Saxifrage tea is ages and I’d hate to enjoy it alone.”

“Well Sir, the last time I tried something you brewed it tasted like boiled bantha milk,” Cody replied, reveling in the uneven smile his teasing drew out of the General. “But I suppose I can’t let you drink alone on a night like this.”

“Always such a martyr Cody.” General Kenobi said, turning back to his tent, “Your pity is enlightening.”

The spot on his arm where the General’s hand had been felt cold as he followed him up the ridge. They were going to have a chilly night due to the altitude, but it was a fair trade to escape their stuffy cabins on the Negotiator. It was rare that his men got to enjoy the local landscape and Cody couldn’t help but look back into the autumn night for a moment as he reached the top of the hill. Most of the camp was sat chatting around campfires or lying with their heads leaning out of tent doors, staring up at the last streaks of the purple sunset.

“Coming?” The General asked.

“Yes!” He turned away from the scene below him, he hoped it would be a peaceful night. “Right behind you Sir.”

General Kenobi’s tent was an instant relief from the biting wind and Cody felt the tips of his ears begin to tingle as he warmed back up. There was nowhere to sit but the floor and the General had to kick off his boots to squeeze himself into a cross-legged position between Cody and his small cot.

“It is a bit cramped; I realize that now.” General Kenobi remarked, blowing gently on tea to cool it down.

“I don’t mind Sir,” Cody said, a little too quickly, “You’ve seen the bunks the men and I sleep in.”

“You’re right I shouldn’t complain.” His voice sounded a bit raw, too many barked orders. “Do you think they’re all going to be warm enough tonight?”

Cody shrugged, “They’ll be fine Sir, I think they’re enjoying this a bit more than the swamp last month.”

“Oh I think we all are, and honestly,” The General looked up from his tea and waited a moment for Cody to do the same before continuing, “I don’t mind if you call me Obi-wan when we’re off-hours like this, especially alone.”

Cody blinked a few times while the mug burned his fingertips. “Oh,” He dropped his eyes back down to his tea, addressing the steaming purple liquid. “Alright. Obi-wan.” It felt wrong to say it and the quiet that followed only served to justify the instinct. 

Obi-wan let the silence go on long enough for Cody’s stomach to flip at least three times before he finally spoke, cutting through the tension. “Well.”

Cody tried to look at him but ended up staring at the ceiling.

“I take it back if you’re going to say it like that.” He finished flatly.

Cody’s head snapped back down; his voice suddenly shrill with embarrassment. “What?”

Obi-wan lasted only a few seconds more before his smile began to crack through, his shoulders shaking. “You sounded like-” He raked a hand through his hair, unable to control his laughter any longer, “-like I had a blaster to your heart!”

Cody could only gape at him, having to fight through the whiplash of events before he could speak again, “It wasn’t...” He tried to stay offended but Obi-wan’s laughter was contagious and the nervous energy was starting to seep out of him, making him giddy. “Kriff,” he relented, “I’m glad _you’re_ gettin’ a laugh out of it.” 

“Oh! I’m going to spill my tea!” Obi-wan wheezed, trying to set his mug down and wipe tears from his eyes at the same time, still shaking with laughter, “I’m burning myself Cody this is all your doing!”

Cody heeded the warning and set his tea down, hiding his face in his hands to suppress his own bubbling laughter. “You told me to say it.” He bit back, watching Obi-wan snicker like a child through cracks in his fingers. He could pretend all he wanted but his own shaking shoulders gave away his amusement.

The relationship of a General and their Commander was meant to be formal, the decisions they made together would get men killed, save the innocent from tyranny, and protect the Republic. Cody had been assigned to General Kenobi to work with him, and thereby for him. And yet, as they discovered within hours of their first meeting, friendship was a necessity if any real progress was expected.

General Kenobi was inexperienced in warfare and a ‘Commander’ wasn’t going to help. He needed someone who would be honest and roll their eyes while he spouted his wild ideas about impossible missions. Someone who would sit him down and teach the basics of assault formations and y-wing flight patterns over a glass of raava, formalities would only get in the way of their goal. Their friendship wasn’t an oddity either, Rex and General Skywalker, Wolffe and General Koon, the list grew longer every day. A Jedi’s trust wasn’t earned through salutes and stiff backs alone, and no one had come to know this better than Cody. Wandering the halls of the Negotiator at night and discussing anthropology, or drinking tea in tents was just a part of the job the Kaminoans hadn’t thought of.

Much to his surprise, the tea wasn’t bad, very dark and spicy. It warmed his chest like Duro whiskey and kept him from shivering on the walk back from the General’s tent to his bunk.

-

It had been a rough mission already but once the firing started, he couldn’t remember anything outside of utter chaos.

“Get Back!” Trapper screamed, pushing Cody forward from behind and sending him crashing into the mud.

He tried to lift his head but a grenade went off and he was knocked back into the ground, deafened by the sound. When he propped himself back up a minute later his men were firing up at the trees and scattering into the forest around them. His legs felt numb as he dragged himself over to Teton only to find him still and dead. Cody’s hands went cold when he saw the blaster mark had gone straight through the crown of his helmet.

“Sector 14, General come in we’ve been ambushed from above.” His hearing was still fuzzy and he could barely make out his own voice as he yelled into his commlink. Someone fired at him but hit Teton’s body, “General Kenobi come in!” 

If the General responded he couldn’t hear, he was up and running. Balnab was heavily forested but the trees weren’t much cover and his single blaster was not nearly enough to justify anything but a retreat. The surviving members of his squad were nowhere in sight and even if reinforcements were on their way it would be ten minutes at least. There was dirt and leaves spraying into his visor from the near-miss blaster shots of the droids and sweat dripping down his forehead, stinging his eyes. It was a combination of the two that sent him stumbling out from the tree line.

They had been hiking along a canyon and its presence was infinitely more ominous now that he was alone and vulnerable. All the comm lines were blaring and he couldn’t get a word in as he slowly shuffled backward towards the edge. He fired blindly back into the woods but it was useless, he was completely open. His feet skid on the gravel, nothing to hide behind and nothing to hold onto. It only took a stray blaster bolt whizzing by his ear and nearly clipping his helmet to knock his balance and send him tipping backward.

His stomach lurched and he screamed, kicking desperately at the air a few times, convinced he was falling. The sky stared back at him but it wasn’t getting any farther away, like time had stopped right before it ended. From the corner of his eye he watched his blaster slip from his hands and sail into the dust below him. It wasn’t until it disappeared from view that it fully dawned on him that he was hanging, not hanging from anything, just there in the air.

Before Cody even saw him, he knew, “Obi-wan!” As if possessed he jerked his head to the right where he saw the General a few yards away, eyes closed, hand reaching out. Cody reached back. He had been thrown a few times by the force, but never held, it was much different.

He’d always thought the force worked with gravity somehow, but this was nothing like the unattached sensation of zero gravity. There was gentle pressure securing him from all sides, warm and dense, like floating in oil, or lying in bed with a wool blanket. He realized, as Obi-wan furrowed his brow and set his feet that it was not the armor that dangled off him, or the helmet that pressed into his neck that was being held, it was just him. He reached farther as he drifted slowly back towards the edge of the cliff. His muscles strained through the distance between them until he felt the pressure shift, very subtly.

His breath caught in his throat and the world went silent, General Kenobi’s hand, the air around him, the galaxy. It was only for an instant, but he thought the weight of it all would crush him, he almost wished it would. Suddenly it was there, he could see.

And then the General dropped his hand and his feet were coming down to meet the ground. All at once the sounds of battle and his beeping commlink came flooding back while he sank to his knees.

“It’s alright Cody!” General Kenobi shouted to him over the surrounding blaster fire, “Got to you just in time my friend!”

“Thank you Sir, I-” his nerves were shot and adrenaline was making his hands shake, “Thank you.” The General couldn’t have heard him, his lightsaber already ablaze and slicing through the air as more droids advanced on them.

Crys scrambled over, shoving a new blaster into his hands, “Are you alright Sir? Are you hit?”

Cody shook himself, “No, I’m just fine sergeant. Where’s Trapper’s team we’re gonna need reinforcements.”

He tried to thank General Kenobi again on the way back to the ship once the firing was over but was waved off.

“It’s the least I can do for you Commander, it’s always you saving my skin, how nice to be on the other side for once.” He smiled and pat Cody’s shoulder as they plodded along.

Cody kicked at the vines crossing their path, “Yes but, I mean I was as good as vulture food and you didn’t need to-”

“I didn’t need to do what?” Obi-wan sounded alarmed.

“I just meant,” Cody sighed, frustrated. “Obviously I’m thankful that you caught me, but doesn’t that hurt?” Obi-wan drew his brows together and looked ready to start a lecture so Cody waved his hands, already regretting his choice of words, “I know I don’t understand it, okay?”

Obi-wan relaxed his face and let them walk in silence for a bit. When he spoke again his voice was lighter, almost amused. “You think it hurts?”

Cody was happy to hide behind his helmet, “Like I said, I don’t understand.”

“I don’t expect you to recite any of Master Yoda’s scripture, it’s alright.” He raised an eyebrow and gave Cody a crooked smile, “But you should know that even if it’s hard sometimes for me to channel the force in the way I’d like, it would never hurt me.” 

Cody focused all his energy into slashing through the understory of the Balnab forest, if anyone tripped and twisted an ankle they’d have to be carried back, he shouldn’t even be having a conversation.

“You’re light as a feather,” Obi-wan said, Cody couldn’t see him but he knew the General was still smiling, “So stop worrying, I could catch you in my sleep.”

-

Jumping to lightspeed was always best from the main deck because of the view. The little moment in between reality and the typhoon of stars that was hyperspace was the closest Cody ever felt to being the unstoppable galactic hero he and his brothers always dreamed they would be. It wasn’t just the way it looked that he loved, the feeling was addicting too. It was like falling, but not down to the ground, just out. It was only for a moment though, then it was back to landing preparations, catching up on old holo-messages, weapons checks, the shining reality of being an unstoppable galactic hero.

“We expect to be in hyperspace for two standard hours Sir, we’ll notify you if we need to change coordinates.”

Cody nodded, “Thank you, officer, I’ll be in my quarters.” The soldier to his left saluted as he turned and headed back down the bridge. He’d only gone up there to watch the jump and now, with the soothing rumble of lightspeed filling up the halls of the Negotiator, it was hopefully time for a nap.

Whatever last bits of adrenaline Cody still had in his veins from the jump completely abandoned him as he stepped into the elevator. He couldn’t really complain because no one in the GAR was what you could call a healthy sleeper, but sometimes he could swear the only thing keeping his eyes open was the way his stomach guard pinched him if he slouched. Not to mention that on top of his usual insomnia, though he hadn’t really admitted it to himself yet, his dreams had gotten worse.

They had always been the same, the blaster fire, the hooded figure, and the flash of a lightsaber. Then he’d wake with a start and not be able to calm back down till his morning caf, it was a routine he had gotten used to. But in the past few months they had changed, there was more detail now and as the picture came into focus, he knew with all his heart it was not something he ever wanted to see. 

Those dreams only came at night though, if he was lucky enough to get a nap in during a long flight or between meetings, the figure would leave him alone. It was a loophole he was happy to exploit as he made his way through the halls of the cabin floor to his room. As long as no one kriffed up horribly and needed him to clean up their mess or take an urgent call, he could get a good hour and half in before they arrived on Ithor. 

Once his door was locked he worked fast to peel his armor off, helmet, arms, chest, stomach, belt, shoes, legs. He flipped the light off and sighed as he flopped into bed, his knee was still bad from the fall on Kiffu and laying down, even on his stiff mattress, was a blessing.

True to form the blaster fire and dark figure didn’t come once he closed his eyes, he dreamed of Kamino. The rain, more familiar than the dark of space would ever be hammered down and his brothers wore their red cadet uniforms as they jumped around the sparring room.

“You should come play,” Rex said, he looked no older than five standard, his hair was long like it used to be with his blond curls piled up on his head. He didn’t start wearing it short until ARC training.

Cody reached out to ruffle his hair, “I’ll come play later, I have work to do.”

Rex ducked away and drooped his shoulders in a pout, “You always say that.”

“It’s always true.” Cody turned back to the scene in front of him, this wasn’t an exact memory, but he knew how it ended.

“Twenty-twooo,” Rex whined.

“Kriff off, don’t be a crybaby.” Cody watched his brothers wrestle and throw each other about; the rain beat down on the windows.

Rex punched his shoulder. “I’m not! Don't call me that.”

The rain on Kamino tasted like salt, it had been so strange the first time it rained on Coruscant and the rain was just water.

“Fine, you always cheat at four-square anyway.” Rex’s voice was wet with angry tears as he stomped away.

He watched Rex leave, wiping away at his face and pushing past other cadets who giggled at him. When Cody turned back to the room someone kicked a ball and he flinched before it hit him in the face. When he opened his eyes again he was on the training floor of the ARC building with its sleek white walls and slippery floor.

“They’re gonna kill me.” Rex sounded terrified as he gripped his training blaster, his oversized helmet bobbled on his head as he glanced around. They’d started ARC at the same time even though Cody was two years older, it was too early for Rex but once it started there was no stopping. In the end it had worked out but Rex took a beating for the first couple months, it was hard to watch but Cody had been thankful to have a familiar face at his side.

He smacked Rex on the shoulder, “Stay focused, we already learned everything we need to know.”

“Just because they told me how to do something doesn’t mean I learned it yet.” Rex fired his blaster in surprise and shot the first droid that came through the door.

“See?” Cody shrugged, “That was pretty easy.”

“You should have picked Forty-five as your partner,” Rex said, diving to the left to avoid incoming fire. “Alpha’s gonna blame you too when I kriff up.” 

Cody took cover behind one of the barriers jutting up from the floor as the first wave of droids flooded into the room. “Maybe if you stopped panicking, we wouldn’t have to worry about that.” He spun and shot over the wall, taking out three clankers before they turned on him and he had to duck back down. 

Rex glanced up at the tinted window where Alpha was watching, he had always been distracted by what their trainers thought of them. “This isn’t panic I just know when we’re outnumbered.” 

“Can we talk about it later? Cover me.” The wall Cody was hiding behind began to descend back into the ground and he ran to the next one under Rex’s fire.

“Next wave’s comin any second now.” Rex threw his only popper, clearing out the last of their assailants.

Cody stood up to check Rex’s location and make sure the droids littering the ground weren’t still functional. “Stay where you are and aim for the knees of the ones in front, if they’re tripping over each other we could save some time.”

Rex nodded and drew his other blaster, “Did Bly really pass? I thought we’re meant to fail this test.”

“No, he’s full of bantha.” Cody fought to control his breathing, “Everyone fails he just made it to the fifth wave.”

“Fifth?” Rex shook his head in disbelief, “I’d call that passing.” He wasn’t paying attention and a droid shot him square in the chest.

“Kark!” Cody cursed as the training simulation shut down and red lights began to flash. “Yeah,” he growled, “Cause we can’t even make it through two apparently.”

“Twenty-two.” The sound of Rex’s blaster dropping to the floor rattled through the room as Alpha glared down at them. 

Cody wheeled around to scold him, but suddenly they weren’t in the clean white room on Kamino anymore and he froze. Rex wasn’t standing in his training armor like he should have been, he was lying in the dirt in his captain’s uniform with his two DC-17’s at his side. Cody tried to run to him but his feet wouldn’t move so he reached out with his hands, clawing at the air to get to his brother.

“I’m hit.” Rex called to him, “Tell General Skywalker to keep going, we’re almost through their blockade.”

Panic flooded Cody’s system as he watched blood drip from Rex’s chest guard. “I’m coming! I’ll get you help!” he yelled, but Rex didn’t respond, just stared back at him through the jaig eyes on his helmet. Cody yelled in frustration, “Don’t worry Rex’ika I’m coming.”

Rex brought a hand to his chest and smeared the red over the white and blue. He always got hit in training simulations when they were young, but once he was dropped into a real fight he was untouchable. This scene would never happen, it was only a dream, Rex always survived.

Wind whipped up the dirt around them and faceless soldiers ran past into an unknown battle. It was dark and the blaster bolts flying past cast short bursts of light onto Rex’s body as he bled out. It was only a dream, Rex always survived.

Rex shuddered as he reached a hand back towards Cody, “You should come play.” 

Cody shook his head; his feet were glued to the ground. “I’ll come play later, I have work to do.”

“You always say that.”

“It’s always true.” Cody watched his men sprint past as the sound of transport shuttles filled the air. It was only a dream, Rex always survived.

Rex dropped his bloodied hand back into the dirt, “Twenty-two.”

“Kriff off, don’t be a crybaby.” He clapped a hand over his mouth in shock, what was wrong with him? Why would he say that?

Cody woke to the sound of an incoming message on his datapad and he fumbled blindly through the dark to answer the call. “Commander Cody.”

“Sir this is private Rizz from the bridge, it appears we’ll be arriving thirty minutes earlier than expected.”

Cody scrubbed his face with his free hand and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “Very good Private, I’ll alert the flight deck.”

“Yes Sir.”

Cody sat up in the dark of his cabin and let the sound of lightspeed wash over him. He needed to go down and start landing preparations early, the pilots would have to be rounded up and assigned to shuttles, there was a tremor in his hands. “Get your shit together Commander,” he murmured to himself.

Ithor was a peaceful planet but he’d need to be alert until they made it to their campsite. He turned the light back on and splashed his face with cold water, he had been sweating. His knee still ached as he threw his armor back on and started the long walk out of the cabin floor.

“C’mon,” he whispered, “C’mon you’re fine.” He grimaced and knocked himself in the helmet a few times as he waited in the elevator, “Pull it together soldier.”

Cody could still hear his voice though, small and pleading, “ _Twenty-two_.” The vacant stare of the jaig eyes threatened to engulf him.

“Kark!” He beat his chest a few times and shook himself before the elevator doors opened to the chaos of the flight deck. His back was straight as a rail, he was their commander and he would not appear weak in front of these men. His heart rate finally began to slow as he stalked through the crowd, the kid was safe, it was a stupid dream. Rex always survived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Cody and have wanted to write a character study for ages, thanks so much for reading and if you leave a comment I will cry real tears of joy especially if it's about a typo I made please help. Also you can find me on tumblr @cafffine come say hi :)


	2. Carnivores

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter but the one I spent the longest writing. Also I extended this to four chapters, just felt better than putting the entire ending into one long post, thanks for reading!!

By the end of the second year it was rare that any entire active battalions went on leave anymore, but in the aftermath of their stand on N’Zoth the 212th, Cody included, were granted a generous two days on Coruscant to wind down. The usual routine was to invade bars and clubs around the city, spending hard-earned credits on tattoos, dates, anything to make the time pass memorably and painlessly. Cody read an article once about the effect of clones on the Coruscant economy, it had made him laugh, maybe the locals couldn’t stand them but hey, public transportation was getting cleaner. 

Boil, who was going to receive a harshly worded message had made Wolffe aware of Cody’s weekend plans to sleep in, and finish filing his report on weapons safety in the barracks. Wolffe was somewhat of a nightlife connoisseur and had naturally taken the news personally. He wrote to Cody immediately, pleading with him to take advantage of this break from his ‘tragically dull life’ and go to one of his favorite clubs, ‘while you still have the chance.’ 

Cody deleted the message and went to bed. He had heard the stories, Wolffe was not to be trusted when it came to clubbing or drinking, under any circumstances. He’d taken Rex out for a night on the town and then lost him within an hour outside of a strip club. Fives had been tapped to go pick an inebriated Rex up and Wolffe passed him in a cab going the other way.

Bly liked to tell the story of Wolffe getting them kicked out of a club for starting a fight with a Nikto. He allegedly talked his way back in for an hour just to walk up to the same Nikto and punch him again. It was even rumored that Fox had a tattoo somewhere that Wolffe had convinced him to get while plastered. It didn’t matter that he was half the galaxy away, Cody was taking no risks. 

-

“Will you just let yourself have this? For once?” Wolffe’s familiar drawl was more grating than usual at 0800 in the morning, he’d probably called this early because he knew Cody would answer before seeing his name. “Let me live vicariously through you at least, go and get wasted, tell some cute Nautolan at the bar about your scar, c’mon that always works I should know.” 

“I don’t go out.” Cody deadpanned. 

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I already gave them your name ya’ wet blanket.” Wolffe grumbled, “You wouldn’t want to miss an appointment, would you?” 

Cody brought a hand to the bridge of his nose, “Why would you give a club owner my name? I’m a Marshal Commander now that’s completely-”

“Oh, you’re a Marshal Commander? News to me.” Wolffe’s sarcasm crawled straight through the speaker and under his skin. 

Wolffe couldn’t see him but Cody flipped him off, “You know what I’m saying, don’t be an ass.” 

“It’s a nice place! None of your men would be able to get in anyway.” 

“That’s not the point I just think it would be unprofessional-”

“Oh for the love of-”

“Will you fucking listen to me?” Cody snapped. He winced; it came out far angrier than he had meant. “I just…hold on I’m sorry, I’m just tired.” 

Wolffe sighed on the other line, “Y’know Codes, I was only trying to give you a nice night out but if you’re so committed to being the Republic poster boy you think you are then have it your way.” 

“I’m sorry” He groaned as Wolffe hung up, leaving him in bitter silence. He had been too harsh but it was Wolffe’s fault for pushing his buttons, he knew as well as anyone that Cody’s temper was short.

A minute later his comm pad blinked with a new message: 

_Club Strata_

_Uscru District LVL 1_

_9041 L’ulo st_

_Gave them the name Cody Twenty-two if one of your men wants to go._

_-W_

Cody rubbed his eyes, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? _No, no. Kark you Wolffe._ He’d send Boil in his place and apologize later; he wasn’t wasting his first free day in months because Wolffe had called him boring. 

-

The door was unmarked but the one next to it read 9040 L’ulo so either this was the place, Cody knocked softly on the carved wood, or he was going home. He shuffled awkwardly as something behind the door shifted, maybe he was defective, falling for Wolffe’s nightlife trap without him even being there to push him through the door. 

“Name?” a voice asked, clear as a bell, like someone was standing right in front of him. 

“It’s, um.”

He glanced back at the busy street, the flashing neon and open doors were only an arm’s length away. This was his last chance to leave, turn tail and disappear into the crowd. Besides, he was dressed in a grey officer’s jacket and a pair of pressed trousers he had worn once to a funeral, he looked like a janitor. They probably wouldn’t even let him in, he could be back at the barracks in under an hour putting a dent into the mountain of paperwork waiting for him on his desk. 

“Cody Twenty-two” 

“Welcome, Mr. Twenty-two,” the voice said, a Rylothi accent now evident. “We are Club Strata, please be at home.” 

The door swung open to reveal a wall of soft light and swirling mist which curled out into the street, pooling around his feet and beckoning him in. His deliberations had ended when he gave them his name, he was going to do this, pretentious door and all. 

He stepped forward cautiously into the light, searching at his sides for a wall or handrail. After a few blind steps he felt the door swing shut behind him. Mercifully, it kicked up a gust of wind, clearing the mist enough for him to see the floor. He waved his arms around a bit, trying to shake off the residual wisps clinging to his clothes as the smooth sound of a late-night band met his ears. 

The room came to life around him as his eyes adjusted to the low lighting, the band was sat on a stage to the left, framed by thick purple curtains. In front of the stage a dozen or so couples swayed in time, their steps muffled by a pristine white carpet. A crowd of onlookers holding delicate cocktail glasses and talking quietly amongst themselves spilled from the small dance floor into the main hall where tall black barstools and small oval tables littered the floor in front of the enormous backlit bar. 

The absurdity of his presence in such a formal setting hit him like a shockwave. Amongst other horrors, he was underdressed. There were women of all kinds in tight sparkling dresses and flowing rich robes, men in satin jackets sipping bubbling drinks and strutting from table to table in fine leather shoes that shone in a way Cody’s GAR standard-issue boots never had, even when new. 

Praying he would not be noticed, Cody made for the far-right side of the room where the lighting was the poorest and a few tables were pushed to the edge. He’d make it to the bar eventually, a drink would help, but he needed a moment to take in the scene before him. 

The shimmering bar, the hushed madness, he wondered what Rex would say. He let his head fall back into the wall, cursing himself for coming alone. Rex’s awkwardness or Wolffe’s debauchery would surely have made it all much worse, but at least in that case he’d have someone to blame at the end of the night. 

He lasted twenty minutes before the lure of the bar won out and he was forced to his feet. The unmistakable scent of spice wafted through the air without a visible source as he carefully thread through the groups of club patrons. There didn’t seem to be any other clones around, but it was certainly a diverse crowd, rich, but diverse. They were exactly the type of people he’d imagined Wolffe spent his free time with, that bastard. 

He counted seven bartenders, all Mirialan and dressed in black. They moved in fluid graceful steps, dancing around each other and pouring drinks with polite vacant smiles. One of them began gliding over to him near the end of the bar and his heart rate spiked, he hadn’t even considered what to order.

“Wolffe!” Someone had come up behind him, “I didn’t know you were back in the capital!” 

Cody nearly jumped out of his seat, whipping around to face the source of the voice. 

“Oh!” The Zabrak brought a surprised hand to his mouth, “Sorry dear we just don’t get a lot of clones around here, my mistake.” 

Cody swallowed hard. “It’s uh, that’s alright I get that a lot.” 

“Something to drink Sir?” The bartender, he’d forgotten, how overwhelming. 

The young Zabrak pushed up next to him, winking at the bartender, “Hi Zuvi I’ll have two shots of Ortolan blue, and whatever he’s ordering.”

“Oh that’s-” Cody started, but the Zabrak shook his head dismissively. 

“Have something on me and we can pretend I didn’t mistake you for that scoundrel, deal?” When he smiled the tattoos around his eyes crinkled in a familiar way. 

Cody stared at him; he had suddenly forgotten the name of every single drink in the galaxy.

“He’ll have a glass of Chandrilan raava.” The Zabrak said to the waiting bartender, who immediately bowed and drifted off. He turned back to Cody, still smiling dreamily, “First time here?” 

“That obvious?” He asked, forcing together what he hoped was a smile. 

“Yeah,” The Zabrak scrunched his nose, “Somethin’ about the outfit.” 

Cody scoffed, “Ouch.” 

“I’m just teasing, all you military boys are the same anyway, don’t know anything about fashion, even Wolffe,” he laughed, “Don’t tell him I said that.” 

The bartender glided back over with their drinks, two shots for the Zabrak and a thin round glass of what Cody had to assume was the raava for him. He pinched his leg under the bar where no one could see, he was acting like an idiot, he was better than this. “Thank you for the drink, uh…” 

“Detoran.” The Zabrak’s dark eyes flicked over his face, skipping from his scar to his mouth and back up to his eyes. 

“Detoran,” Cody nodded and turned to grab his drink, “I’m Cody.” 

Detoran smirked and downed his first shot, his horns were cropped short and painted silver to match the lavish sparkling jewels strung between them. He was well dressed in a loose-fitting linen shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and hung open at the chest. It was an easy trap to follow the crisscrossing tattoos starting at his delicate horns all the way down his face and neck and into the welcoming opening of his shirt. 

“So Cody,” Detoran set his glass down, blinking hard from the strong liquor, “Wolffe doesn’t send just anybody our way, did you save his life or something?” 

Cody carefully sipped the raava, it was strong, he could do this. “I’m sure I have, once or twice.” 

“Oh,” Detoran feigned shock, “So you’re a real hero then.” 

“I have been called that,” he sighed, “But I’m very humble about it, don’t worry.” 

Detoran giggled, sarcastically toasting his second shot to Cody, “Thank goodness, can’t have any big egos in here.” 

It had been nearly five months, Cody realized, since the last time someone had flirted with him. A pretty girl on Chalacta who pulled his hands to her waist in the back of a pub and asked him if he was allowed to take his armor off. He had laughed and told her no; it was punishable by death while she kissed him. Five months was a long time, but alcohol made things so simple and Detoran was very handsome. 

“Wolffe literally had an eyepatch and a hat on and they still bought it, I mean who falls for that?” Detoran’s laugh was light and bubbly and he pressed into Cody’s side. 

Cody smiled but he was barely listening, he had bought them both two more drinks and grown completely entranced with the way the jewelry on the Zabrak’s horns looked under the bar lights. Every little movement of his head made them twinkle and wink at him, he wondered what Rex would say. 

“We should get some air,” Detoran tugged at his sleeve, “I need a smoke.” 

Cody threw back the last of his third raava, “I don’t smoke.”

“Well you breathe, sweetheart, so come get some air with me.” He snaked his hand under Cody’s arm and pulled. 

The room swam for a moment as Cody was forced to his feet, the raava really had been strong. Detoran was much shorter, but Cody found himself leaning into his accomplice’s arm to keep from swaying as they made their way through the crowd. “Where are we going?” he mumbled, squinting around the hazy room. 

Detoran didn’t miss a beat and continued with his steady stream of information, “They just opened up a new balcony, silver level members only so it shouldn’t be too crowded, and don’t worry you’re with me they’ll let you right in-” 

“Where are we going?” He asked again, leaning down to Detoran’s level. 

“What? Oh, just a few floors up.” He turned to eye Cody suspiciously, “You sound funny, you’re not gonna get sick, are you?” 

Cody huffed out a laugh, “I’m a clone, highest tolerance in the parsec.” 

“Mm.” Detoran rolled his eyes, “Believe it when I see it.” 

Cody let himself be led past the crowd of dancers and into an elevator with mirrored walls and small gold buttons. While leaning back he caught a glimpse of his reflection and recoiled, he looked old. He watched the toes of his boots until the elevator doors opened again to a dim hallway.

The sudden lack of music and bustle of the club was unnerving. As Cody followed Detoran closely down the hallway he could feel the effects of the alcohol begin to subside as unease crept into his stomach. There were more Mirialans lining the walls, they seemed to be guarding carved black doors like the one he had entered from the street. If they were armed, they didn’t show it, just silently tracked him with their eyes as he passed. 

Detoran glanced up at him, grinning. “C’mon, they don’t bite.”

He stopped abruptly and said something in a language Cody couldn’t place to one of the guards. The man nodded and after a quick glance at the two of them, stepped aside to open the door behind him. Cody braced himself as night air and sounds of the busy city came rushing into the hallway, shocking him into sobriety. 

Detoran reached back to grab his hand, “You’ll just die for the view, I promise.” 

He stepped out onto the balcony and closed his eyes; the breeze was wonderful and the fresh air went to work at clearing the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders. He opened his eyes again and stepped to the edge while Detoran tried to light some kind of cigarette in the wind. 

He shook his head as the city crawled beneath them, “This is more than ‘a few floors up.’” 

“Scared of heights?” Detoran slid up to the railing with him and craned his neck to watch the street below. 

“No, just falling.” 

Detoran blew blue smoke from the side of his mouth and Cody watched it drift away from them through the breeze. The view from the senate building was nice, but the distant music and flashing lights of the nightlife made this feel so much more alive. If he ever retired, and if the Republic ever saw fit to pay him more than a few credits a day, maybe he’d like a place like this. A balcony and a view of the city that he could watch from a safe distance but still be a part of, he wouldn’t mind that. 

“It’s beautiful.” He said, nudging Detoran lightly, “Thanks for bringing me up here.” 

Detoran turned away from the street, the jewels between his horns looked even finer outside of the club’s dark lighting. “Of course.” 

“Thanks for, everything-I-this isn’t really my scene and-” Cody felt his face heat as he stuttered through his words, he wasn’t an idiot he knew why they were out there. It was one thing to stand at a bar and let the guy babble at him, but now he had to follow through. 

Detoran held his gaze as he shrugged, “You don’t have to thank me.” 

He took a deep breath, maybe the cold air hadn’t cured him, maybe he was still drunk. 

The Zabrak took a long drag from his cigarette and cocked his head. “Alright,” Blue smoke filled the air around him, “Time for the golden question.” 

His grip on the railing tightened, “Fire away.”

“How’d you get the scar?” Detoran smiled playfully, flicking ashes over the edge of the balcony. “I mean I gotta know, hope you don’t mind.” 

Cody let his grip loosen and he waved his hand “No, of course.” This was a well-rehearsed answer, Wolffe would be proud. “Happened a few years ago, not long after the war started.” He turned away to look back out over the city as he spoke, “First thing I remember was a Jedi telling me to keep my eyes closed.” 

“A Jedi?” 

He had been so careful, “Master Kenobi.” The name rolled off his tongue before he could stop himself, he had been too confident. 

“Never heard of him.” 

“You’re lucky,” Cody mumbled, kicking himself. Reality started to crawl back; the charade was up as quickly as it had started.

Detoran raised an eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing, he’s just,” just a Jedi, just a superior officer, a coward. What a mess, he had gone nearly the whole night without tripping and making this about him. 

“Cody?” Detoran lifted a hand to his face, “Still with me?” 

There was a rush of anger and it was all Cody needed to lean down and kiss him. His hands curled around Detoran’s waist as he pulled them together and all at once he wanted to be held so tight his bones would break. _General Kenobi_ , he thought as the Zabrak’s thin fingers wove their way into his hair, _damn him_. Detoran tasted like smoke and spice and he was marvelously warm as he pulled away to gasp for air before his mouth was on Cody’s neck, hot and biting. 

Cody wished that the General could see him now, he should be jealous, kriffing Jedi and their rules. He spun and pushed Detoran into the railing as he all but shook with sudden rage. He was free to do what he wanted, he could have this pretty wide-eyed rich boy in a hotel room in minutes and he wouldn’t be breaking any holy oath. Detoran moaned as Cody pressed a knee between his legs. General Kenobi could never be touched, even if he wanted to, save the occasional stiff handshake or brush of an arm. He was a coward for hiding from emotion, who cared if anger was painful, caring was too but it was a burden worth bearing. He lived in a cold little box that the force had made for him and he’d stay there till he died. Cody sunk his teeth into Detoran’s collarbone. 

Between messy kisses, Detoran whispered to him that he had a room on the tenth floor and slipped a hand under his shirt. Cody didn’t care if the kid wanted to pretend he was fucking Wolffe, he was drunk and on leave and could be with anyone he wanted, General Kenobi would never have such freedom. 

Before he was led away he stared back out over the glistening city and prayed to every star in the galaxy that the Jedi knew what he was missing, that he was sick with envy, and that he’d waste away with grief and horror if he ever knew how much Cody would love him if he’d let him. 

-

Early in the third year of the war, the Negotiator was sent to the Uthor system, far out near the edge of the Mid Rim. Communications from any core systems would have to pass through at least one middleman if they were to reach Cody’s datapad, that’s why he knew something bad had happened before he even opened the transmission. There just weren’t any good reasons for Rex to be sending him a message all the way from Coruscant in the middle of the night. He thought for a horrible moment that something had happened to Commander Tano, that maybe one of Fox’s men had found her body in some lower-level alley. Rex had taken her departure so hard. 

He held his breath while the message loaded and then Rex’s voice came crackling through his speaker, the audio damaged by the distance it had traveled. 

“I hope this gets to you, or maybe-I don’t know-maybe it’s better if you never hear any of this, I’m probably not gonna make any sense.” 

Even through the static Cody could hear that Rex was slurring his words a bit, it made his skin crawl, Rex never drank.

“I just feel sick Codes” Rex spit out, “I just feel completely useless sometimes. I send my brothers out to die and write it all up in a report the next day, how am I gonna write this in a report? Ah-kriff, I don’t even know if I can say it to you now.” Cody heard him breathe shakily, trying to gather himself. 

“It started with-I left Fives on Kamino, there was this mess with Tup and…no you’ll hear about it, but I should have dealt with it myself. He was fine, er-Fives was, he really was, I have no idea what happened over there. Actually,” He let out a sharp laugh, “I don’t know what happened here either, just get a message from Kix sayin’ that Fives is back on Coruscant and on the run.” 

He braced himself for whatever was coming, cursing his maker that he couldn’t be back at the capital to talk Rex down a little. Of course something had happened to Fives, Rex was crazy about that kid. 

“By the time General Skywalker and I found him he was all strung-out,” Rex’s voice trailed off for a couple seconds, when he spoke again it was quieter. “He was just scared of something, wasn’t gonna hurt anyone I can tell you that much. He was in a warehouse shouting about, I don’t know, a conspiracy, acting really strange I’ve never seen him like that. And,” he stopped again when his voice broke. “Security showed up and they just came up on him too fast, Fox, kriff, he didn’t have his blaster set to stun. I mean-yeah Fives had a blaster too but like I said he was just scared ah-Cody.” 

Cody squeezed his hands into fists on the desk in front of him, the fluorescent lights of his little cabin room bared down while Rex’s distant sobs crackled through his speaker. The only bit of rambling that made any sense was when he muttered out that Fives had died, Cody didn’t flinch. 

“I’m just gettin’ so tired vod, I really am.” Rex sighed. “Do you remember that stupid thing Alpha used to say? About the frog and the water?” 

He didn’t remember, he hadn’t known Alpha as well as Rex. 

“It was something like, if you put a frog in boiling water it’ll jump right out but, kriff! No, I got it, it’ll jump right out, but if you start with the water nice and cold for him and turn the heat up real slow, he won’t notice till he’s already gettin’ cooked right up.” 

Rex’s voice grew distant suddenly, like he was leaning back from the speaker, “That’s how I feel these days y’know? Like I wasn’t paying attention for a bit and now we’re all burnin’ up like nothing’s wrong. I just, am I crazy? Was it like this at the beginning?” 

Cody turned the message off, he’d heard enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's MY fic and I control the implied sluttiness of Commander Wolffe. I don't usually write in OC's but the bar scene needed a very specific type of twink to ruin Cody's night so Detoran fit the bill. Also how obvious is it that Rex is my favorite character?


	3. Let the Water Boil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, when I started writing this fic it was this chapter I was always hoping to set up correctly cause so much goes down. Thank you to everyone who's been reading this, it means the world to me and I can't wait to get the ending out!!

Three years of war felt like a decade to a clone, Cody found it strange to watch himself and his brothers grow and age and die while everyone else looked almost the same as the day he’d met them. Commander Tano was a child when she arrived and she was a child when she left, General Skywalker had longer hair and the circles around his eyes grew darker every day, but his face was still that of a boy. Increased aging was simple enough as a concept but not many clones had lived to old age, none of them knew exactly how they compared to natural-born humans.

The oldest clones Cody knew were all captains and commanders now, it was nice to meet up with them and complain about aching knees and hairlines without input from the endless train of shinies. Fox was the first to find a grey hair and Wolffe had laughed at the time, but only a few months later he’d taken his helmet off to sheepishly reveal flecks of white at the sides of his head. Bly had deeper wrinkles around his eyes than Cody, something he teasingly pointed out after a conference at the senate building. Bly had laughed and swatted at him, “Lay off me I know I’m getting old; just means I smiled a lot more than you.”

They had all changed in other ways too, Jesse had been made an ARC, something that would have been unimaginable only a year ago. Gree had once been boisterous and unpredictable, but serving under General Unduli had turned him sharp, a good man to go to for stealth operations. Kix used to shake while prepping a needle to stitch someone up and now he was the lead coordinator for the new medic training program.

Out of all of them though, Rex had changed the most. Almost nothing of the eager, patriotic cadet that Cody had met on Kamino remained. It started after Umbara, but once Commander Tano and Fives were gone he didn’t even sound like a clone anymore. He openly criticized the war and the Republic, started asking questions where he should have kept his mouth shut, he didn’t even seem interested in pursuing his long-due promotion. Cody wanted nothing more than to shake him out of it, sit him down and remind him who he was, and what they were fighting for. But Rex felt farther away every time they talked, there wasn’t going to be a quick fix. 

Cody could have been angry when Rex admitted that he was looking for Echo. He had called in a lot of favors, even left Boil in command of the 212 th  to make their mission to Anaxes happen, finding out it was all for a wild theory about a dead man was not welcome news. But Rex looked so small sitting there in the dark of the empty barracks, Cody just let it go.

“I need you to be focused on this.” He said, and that was it.

“I-I know, I know.” Rex stuttered, “Don’t worry.”

They were shot down flying in, Cody could remember Wrecker yelling something, and then the wall folding in around him. When the adrenaline and shock of the crash landing finally wore away, he was being dragged along by Kix and Jesse with an arm around each of their shoulders. He tried to speak but all that came out was a gasp as white-hot pain shot through his chest.

“Do you remember where you are Commander?” Kix asked, he sounded worried, not a reassuring tone to hear from a veteran medic.

“Don’t ask him questions!” Jesse scolded, “He was hit in the chest, it's not a concussion.”

“Oh so now you’re an expert on-”

“Is he awake?” Rex asked from somewhere in front of them.

Cody groaned, his vision was blurred and it felt like a new rib broke with each breath he took.

“I think so, but he’s still in bad shape,” Kix called back.

Rex took a long pause before he answered. “We’ll stop at the next clearing then.” 

When Cody woke up again, he was laying on the ground. Something was definitely broken but it felt a little easier to breathe. He tried to look around and someone gently held him in place, pressing a wet cloth to his forehead.

“Woah there vod, it’s good to see you but don’t go chargin’ into battle just yet.”

“Rex” He croaked.

“Yep, right here.” Rex chuckled, “Sorry about the landing.”

He still couldn’t see very well but there was a fire flickering to his left, and hushed conversations of what he hoped were the rest of their team.

“You’re gonna be just fine,” Rex said, still dabbing at his forehead, “We’ll have you back at the base in no time.”

Cody shuddered, blood had soaked into his blacks making him feel slick and cold all over. “Is everyone-?”

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry.” Rex dropped the cloth and squeezed their hands together, “Everyone’s here, Kix is gonna stay with you till evac comes. Jesse and I will be just fine with your…weird friends.”

He wasn’t really listening to Rex; he was already ten steps ahead. If he couldn’t help with the mission there’d be no one to stop Rex from running off on his mad hunt for Echo. If there was something seriously wrong with him and Boil needed to stay in command of the 212 th  for longer than a week, things would go to hell so fast General Kenobi wouldn’t even know what hit him. He groaned and bucked forward as his chest contracted, or maybe he’d just die right there on Anaxes. 

Rex pressed a hand to his chest; his voice was soft. “Hang in there, Cody.”

He drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few hours, rattling out painful breaths into the night air. Kix sat with him the whole time, he kept muttering apologies and cutting away at Cody’s blacks to stick on bacta patches. Evac did eventually find them, Cody almost smiled while Kix shouted about the delay and the sensitivity of chest wounds over the roar of the shuttle’s engine.

Someone crouched down next to him and gingerly searched his arm for a vein. “Glad we got to you in time Commander, this is just a sedative.” Cody felt the pinprick and then he was out.

When he watched his brothers die, any of them not just the shinies, it always felt tragic and unjust, avoidable if he had done something different. Recently he’d begun to wonder, if it was him in their place getting gunned down in battle, how would his death compare? Would his brothers say it was a sad case of a life cut short, or would they all agree he’d ‘Done good by the Republic’ and died an old warrior? The only answer he could come up with was that it didn’t matter, it was never him that was gunned down anyway. 

He was in the med bay for five days; along with a collapsed lung and two broken ribs, there had been bits of shrapnel lodged under a thigh guard. Kix seemed inappropriately smug that in addition, he did in fact have a concussion. But Kix had also kept him alive while they waited, so Cody made no comment.

He kept busy by reading reports from Boil and the other commanders, trying not to let guilt eat him alive at the news that Echo actually was at the fort, kept breathing on ice for all that time. He wasn’t sure how he planned on apologizing to Rex for not believing him, maybe he’d accept a medal?

A nurse droid appeared at the door, startling him out of his reading, “You have a visitor, the time is 1100 standard, before you accept, please note that it is recommended for you to rest, but the decision is yours.” 

“A visitor?” He was sure he heard them wrong.

“You are CC-2224?”

Most of his men were stationed at different bases around the plant, he couldn’t think who in the few squads that had stayed back would be brave enough to bother him in the med bay.

“Obi-wan Kenobi has requested a visitation with patient CC-2224.”

He was suddenly jumping out of bed, “Yes! Yes that’s me.” He tossed his holo-pad to the side; his slippers were missing again.

“Would you like to accept-”

“I would! Kark, send him in-or, yes I accept.” He hadn’t finished typing up the outline for the presentation on jet-trooper flight patterns, he hadn’t even read all of Boil’s most recent message, whatever the General wanted to talk about he was definitely unprepared. And he hadn’t shaved in a week.

“Oh good, I would have felt rather awkward if you weren’t up for it.”

He spun around so fast the stitches on his thigh pinched. “General.”

Obi-wan smiled at him from the door, his arms were folded and the lighting in the hospital room made the circles under his eyes look dangerously dark. “May I come in?” He asked.

Cody could have cried, it had been a long week, it was nice to see a familiar face. “Of course, Sir.” He glanced around frantically, “There was a chair in here earlier.”

Obi-wan’s smile fell as he entered the room, “I’m very sorry I didn’t come by earlier.” He sounded genuinely sad and his hands fidgeted under his robes as he spoke. “There’s been a lot to do with you gone.”

Cody squared his shoulders, snapping to attention, “I should be out of here by tomorrow. I apologize for the delay; it was careless of me to accompany Rex and-”

Obi-wan winced, “No, no that came out wrong, I just meant I’ve missed having you around, none of this was your fault.” His eyes searched Cody’s face as he stepped closer, “Please,” he gestured to the bed, “Sit down.”

Cody relaxed his shoulders, the Jedi wasn’t there to talk business, thank the stars. “I’m alright,” he muttered, but sat down on the bed anyway. “How’s Boil handling things?”

Obi-wan scoffed, “I think he misses you more than I do.” Their eyelines were more level now that Cody was sitting, but they both stared at the floor. “I read the report on the crash.”

“I wasn’t awake for most of it, honestly,” Cody admitted, he didn’t want to talk about his injuries, what was there to say? “So, wasn’t too bad. Boring mostly.”

Obi-wan smiled to himself, “Alright, I won’t ask.” He sat down carefully on the bed; putting them only a few inches apart. “It sounded terrible though, I saw Captain Rex a few hours ago, and when he told me how long you were out there-”

Cody’s back straightened, “Rex is back?”

“Yes…they came in yesterday.” Obi-wan was quick to catch on, “He didn’t tell you. Did he?”

“No.” Cody fought to keep his mind clear from the Jedi, but he was hurt. Rex hadn’t even sent a message.

“He didn’t seem cross with you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Obi-wan moved to place a hand on Cody’s shoulder but changed his mind, settling it on the sheets behind them.

Rex had been back a whole day? “Yeah, probably just been busy.”

“He's been very distracted with the return of Echo,” Obi-wan offered. “I know you said he’s been a bit off lately, maybe this will turn things around.”

Cody didn’t regret confiding in Obi-wan about his confusion over Rex’s recent behavior, but he knew it was wrong. They’d both noticed it of course, just in the way he spoke to General Skywalker now, frank and full of bite. To keep guilt at bay he told himself that Rex probably complained to Skywalker about him just as much, and there was no harm done. But Rex was his brother, this was a betrayal no matter how he phrased it.

“I doubt it.” He shook his head, staring at the wall, “Whatever happened to him, I don’t know, Umbara, Commander Tano, it’s like he’s not even at war anymore, he’s just fighting.”

Obi-wan seemed to sink further into the bed next to him. “You know it’s funny,” he spoke cautiously, “I know exactly what you mean.”

Cody knew who he was talking about but said nothing.

“He’s still helping Anakin hide his calls to Padmé.”

“They still think you don’t know?” Cody turned to him, a smile tugging at his lips.

Obi-wan rolled his eyes, “They can believe what they want to, I’m just getting tired of all the running around behind my back.”

Cody kicked his feet, they were getting cold without his slippers, “Well, maybe they deserve each other.”

Obi-wan frowned, “Who? Anakin and Senator Amidala?”

“No, him and Rex. Always pissing off and breaking regulation together, perfect kriffing couple.”

Obi-wan raised his brows in surprise, letting out a sharp laugh, “You do have a point.”

Cody wanted to reach over and push his hair back behind his ear, some of it had come loose and fallen over his face.

“And what about us?” Obi-wan rocked to the side and bumped their shoulders, “Do I deserve a Commander who curses at me and insults my old padawan?”

“Maybe not.” Cody grinned, “Boil can keep my job if he wants it.”

“Oh force be with me,” Obi-wan slid his hand up to Cody’s lower back, “I take it back, please don’t leave me I have no idea how to lead an army.”

Cody laughed with him, making the bed shake despite the ache in his ribs, “Fair enough General Sir, guess I’m not goin’ anywhere.” 

Obi-wan leaned his head on Cody’s shoulder, sighing dramatically, “What a relief, can’t believe I even made it a week.”

Cody tried to look at him, his face was closer than it had been in a long time. With nothing to lose, he slid a hand across the couple inches of bed between them and pressed a finger to Obi-wan’s thigh. The Jedi didn’t flinch, but Cody could feel his blue eyes burning into him.

Every once in a while Cody would get very bold, or maybe very cruel, and let himself believe he could have this, just for a split second. Sometimes it only took a look, a warm smile or a lingering glance, but sometimes, like in the way Obi-wan leaned into him on the little hospital bed, it was horribly close. Blindingly real.

 _I’m right here_ , he thought, loud enough that he hoped Obi-wan would hear, _I’m right here if you ever want me._

“We have a long day tomorrow.” Obi-wan sat up, “Master Windu is putting together plans for our next attack on the fort.”

Cody pulled his hand back and nodded curtly, “I look forward to it.” He watched Obi-wan stand up and stretch, he knew how this worked, it was over.

“It was good to see you; we were all quite worried.”

Cody stood up to see him out, he tried not to be hurt, he was used to this. “Thank you for visiting, Sir.”

“I’ll keep an eye on Rex for you,” Obi-wan said, turning to him as he reached the door, “I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear you’ve recovered well.” 

“He could have come to see for himself.” 

Obi-wan stared up at him, he looked conflicted for a moment and then his eyes softened, “Cody you’re not-” he reached out for Cody’s hand, “It’s not you he’s angry with.”

“Goodnight, Obi-wan.” 

“Goodnight.” Obi-wan gave his hand a squeeze and then let it fall away as he stepped out into the hallway. “It’s good to have you back.”

Cody watched him leave from the doorway, he looked like he was floating with the way his robes billowed out behind him.

-

"You’re going to need another squad on the south ridge, or at least a few gunners.”

“We already have three units of paratroopers dropping in, we don’t need more fire from above.” There were at least ten other officers in the room and Cody needed to keep the meeting short, they didn’t have time for Rex’s interruptions.

“If you leave it open the clankers will take the ridge and then the hill next to it,” Rex took his helmet off and tapped the map. “It’s not about initial cover fire.” 

Cody bristled but kept his tone even, “You can bring that up with the General. Right now, my men are going to be following my blueprint.”

Rex frowned, picking up on Cody’s annoyance, “Well _your_ blueprint has a hole.”

Cody brought a hand up to silence him, “That’s enough, Captain. Fall in line.” Echo had left with the Bad Batch and there had been no time to put things between himself and Rex back in place. Orders from the senate were starting to conflict and losses were piling up all across the galaxy. Everyone was so tightly wound and overworked that weekly conferences between officers and meetings with the Jedi were now a battlefield of their own. Cody wasn’t even sure how to ask for a damage report without starting a fight anymore.

“Yes Sir.” Rex’s voice was icy, but he backed down. 

Cody adjusted his belt and glanced around the room, “Anyone else have a suggestion?” When he was met with silence and nervous shifting from the other officers he nodded, “Right, moving on.” 

It was unfair to blame Echo for Rex’s continued outbursts, but hadn’t he known what state he was leaving his Captain in? General Skywalker and everyone else involved moved onto the next mission without skipping a beat but Rex was clearly a step behind them. Whatever wound he had sustained when Fives was killed was wide open again, and it appeared he was ready to bleed out.

Rex didn’t say a word for the rest of the briefing and Cody caught his wrist as the group began to file out into the hall. “Do you have a minute?” he asked, ignoring the way Rex glared down at his hand.

Rex waited until the room was clear and the door closed with a click. “Not really, so make it fast.”

Cody dropped his wrist and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, “Look I’m sorry I snapped at you, it just wasn’t the place to be critiquing my work, this is the 212th’s mission.”

Rex raised an eyebrow, “That’s not an apology.”

“It’s not an insult either, vod.” Cody knew he was pushing buttons that were better left untouched, but it had been a long week. Despite the success on Anaxes, their business in the outer rim was not finished until the senate saw fit to grab them by the scruffs of their necks and drag them back to the capital.

“Oh so now I’m your ‘vod’” Rex crossed his arms, “Thought I was just a Captain.”

Cody scoffed and turned away from him, they weren’t getting anywhere if Rex was in a mood. “Never mind, I need to check in with the General. I don’t need this right now.”

Rex stepped swiftly to his right, blocking the door. “You know what? I lied. I do have a minute.”

The past few months had brought an eerie calm to their relationship and it was almost comforting to see Rex openly angry at him again. The two of them used to fight nearly every day since they met, a sour side effect of being brothers. It had always been harmless and petty though, a few quick jabs and then it was back to business.

Cody sucked his teeth in and gave Rex a tight smile, “Great, where do we start?”

Rex narrowed his eyes, “No, you wanted to talk to me. Say whatever banthashit you want about getting your feelings hurt over a bad blueprint so I can leave.”

“It’s not about the kriffing meeting, stars!” Cody tossed his datapad onto the table with a clatter and crossed his arms, “You’ve been impossible to work with ever since we got here, no since-”

“Oh, my apologies.” Rex threw his hands up mockingly, “How could I have been so selfish to take the fort without waiting for you to drag yourself out of the med bay.”

Cody had to stare up at the ceiling to stop himself from yelling, losing his temper would only fuel Rex’s stubbornness. “That’s not what I meant; you’ve just been unfocused.”

“Yeah, you’re one to talk,” Rex muttered.

It took everything he had but Cody let the remark go unnoticed, “You’ve just been off, I don’t know.” He let his arms fall to his side in a small surrender, “I wish you would tell me what’s going on.”

Whatever calm Cody had been trying to initiate was glossed clean over by Rex’s bitter tone, “You really have yourself convinced I’m the one who’s dropping the ball, don’t you?” Cody tried to speak but Rex barreled on, “You just can’t handle that I’m not in a neat little box on your desk anymore, huh? That I’m not following you around waiting for orders like the braindead cadet you think I am?”

General Kenobi didn’t know what he was talking about. If Rex’s problems were with him, then Cody would face them head-on. “It would be nice if you started taking orders again, if I’m being honest.”

Rex set his shoulders and sneered, “Well I’m glad you’re being honest. I’ve missed it.”

Cody swallowed hard and gave himself a moment to get his bearings, “What was it then? Is this because I didn’t believe you about Echo?” 

Rex didn’t even blink, “Not everything is about you, vod.”

“Fine,” He glanced past Rex to make sure the door was locked before it all went to shit. “Ever since Commander Tano left you haven’t given a damn about the Republic, you just treat the job like it’s your own personal stress relief, and I’m fed up.” 

After years of bickering with him, Cody had perfected the art of sending Rex over the edge. You had to start slow, poke him a few times with surface-level insults while he hid behind his ever-present stubbornness. Once the pressure had built up enough in his thick blond skull he’d start responding with short quips, a clear sign he was reaching his limit. If you weren’t careful he’d sense the incoming blow and run off, but if you timed it right, an over-worded and slightly inappropriate barrage of accusations would put him right through the wall.

“If you ever fucking blame any of this on her again I’ll crack your skull open, I swear.” Rex advanced on him and Cody was momentarily satisfied, he may have been out of practice, but he still knew how to get his brother talking.

“No I’m not blaming her,” he kept his voice level and stood his ground, “I’m just pointing out that you might as well call yourself a bounty hunter now that you don’t have her telling you where to shoot.” He was taking this too far, but didn’t he always? 

Rex jabbed a finger into his face, “Before I knock you into the next star system, I hope you know that I’ve been waiting for you to take a hint from all that and maybe learn a thing or two about what this war is expecting of us.”

“What the kriff is that supposed to mean.” Cody craned his head away from Rex’s finger but kept his gaze steady.

Rex dropped his hand and leaned back as if contemplating if his next move was worth it, “I let her go, just like I let everyone go. Hevy, Fives, Tup, Echo, they’re gone, and I’m still the best Captain my men could ask for.”

“Get to the point Rex.” Cody didn’t show it, but a knot was forming in his stomach.

Rex nodded solemnly. “Not that you’re going to absorb any of this,” he paused, biting his lip in a nervous tick, “But you don’t understand loss because you’ve never felt it, and you never will.” He spoke low and fast as the anger began to fall away, “You can’t lose anyone because we’re already as good as dead to you. You started mourning me the second our boots touched the ground just so you wouldn’t have to when I _actually_ got blown to bits.”

Cody had to look away. A hoarse, “Watch your mouth, soldier.” Was all he could manage.

“Is that all you got?” Rex spit at him, “You’re gonna keep pulling rank on me so I shut up?”

Cody white-knuckled the edge of the navigation table, he’d gotten too far ahead of himself and this was fast becoming a disaster. 

“Because, yeah, you got me.” Rex huffed out a hollow laugh, “I am pretty upset that Commander Tano left, but she needed to leave and I care about her, so I let her go, just like Echo. You can’t even handle yourself when I lead a mission alone.”

If this had been a holo-message, like the one Rex sent him when Fives died, Cody would have turned it off. Instead he just stared into the light of his blueprint map. Rex was right, there was a hole, they should have a few men on the south ridge.

“Are you listening?” Rex’s voice came dangerously close to cracking. “You’re exactly the same as you were at the start because you won’t let yourself kriffing feel anything, so of course you don’t understand why I’m a little more pissed off than I used to be!”

“I said watch your mouth, soldier!” Cody let go of the table and slammed his fist into the flickering screen.

Rex flinched only with his eyes and recovered within seconds. “Ah, there it is.” He shrugged and took a step back. “Marshal Commander, y’know what would you be without your rank?” He cocked his head, “The one you stole from Wolffe?”

“What?” Cody blinked, his heart was still beating out of his chest and his hand hurt where he had hit the table.

There was something off about Rex, his eyes seemed slightly out of focus, “If you’re not gonna hear me out, which, no surprise there, we can just fight like you wanted to.”

“Why the kark are you talking about Wolffe.” His voice shook despite his best efforts to appear grounded, the room felt terrifyingly small.

Rex almost sounded playful, “Because you’ve been holding that stupid title over my head for years, and I know Wolffe was the other Commander considered for the promotion.”

Cody stared at him; he’d lost his footing what felt like hours ago.

“It’s pretty pathetic to flaunt it at every opportunity you get when we all know Wolffe deserved it more than you ever have.” Rex was usually boisterous and rambling when he was mad, not calm and articulate like he was now.

“Wolffe didn’t get that promotion because he’s a karking alcoholic,” Cody growled, finally catching up enough to get a response in.

Rex rolled his eyes and went to grab his helmet off the floor, Cody hadn’t even noticed that he had dropped it. “Real nice, vod, is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night?”

Cody threw his arms up in confusion, “What the hell are you-”

“You think I don’t know?” Rex snapped, anger slipping back into his tone just slightly.

“Know what!” Cody was almost shouting in exasperation, “What are you talking about?”

The pause that Rex took was more telling than anything he could have said, it was like the moment before a firefight starts, which is never as bad as the moment it ends. The ending is painful, brutal, the dead come into focus and wounds make themselves known, if you don’t need to be carried, you’re carrying a body out instead. But there was something about that last breath before it starts that sticks with you, it’s never as much air as you wanted. 

“Wolffe didn’t get Marshal Commander because he wasn’t in General Kenobi’s bed sleeping his way to the top.”

It was just like on Balnab, when he’d slipped over the edge of the cliff and only fallen a few inches. He just hung there, waiting to fly to pieces on the rocks below. 

“I’m not an idiot, and neither are your men, we know what you two are doing every kriffing night.” Rex watched him from afar, “You know the worst part? I’ve been covering for you.”

“Rex.” His fingers were too weak to grip the table and there were stars in the corners of his vision.

Rex let the door slide open, “When everyone starts talking again, about you fucking a Jedi?”

“Rex stop.” He squinted, the light from the hallway was suddenly blinding and his eyes stung so bad he had to look away.

“I mean without me, good luck.” Rex put his helmet back on before he disappeared. 

The door was still open and the sounds of the hallway wafted over to him through a filter of static and screaming nerves. Cody felt a sob crawl its way into his throat and he had to cover his mouth to force it back down. He pushed hard into the side of the table to straighten himself out as he searched for his helmet.

He had almost drowned once. He remembered screaming over and over for help, not out of fear, but frustration at how little his own actions impacted his chances of surviving. Not even death had been enough to calm his anger at losing control.

The meeting with General Kenobi started in two minutes.

He forced his helmet over his head and tried to ignore the stars in his eyes and the heavy breathing that fogged his vision. He needed to do his job, he should be confirming their assault formation for the Dennogra raid, he needed to do his job.

There was nothing in the galaxy that felt familiar anymore, everything had remade itself with the flip of a switch and left him behind. What had Rex had looked like before he turned away? Was that the last time?

Cody was late for a meeting for the first time in two years. He had let his personal life get in the way of the job, the Kaminoans would have put him down as a child if they’d known what a disgrace he’d grow into.

He needed to get to General Kenobi’s office, he had a meeting and he was late.

There was a distant roar in his ears drowning out the voices of his men that greeted him in the hallways as he passed, the palms of his hands were wet with cold sweat.

“ _I mean without me, good luck._ ” If he thought they were-

He had made it to the third deck, the General’s office was three doors down. He needed to make it through those next five minutes if he was ever to face himself again.

“Cody!” General Kenobi was waiting for him at the doorway with a relieved smile. “I was getting worried; I think you’re the only person on this ship that would have me assuming the worst by being a few minutes late.” 

“Apologies, Sir.” There was no water filling his lungs, he had to remind himself, he was on solid ground. 

General Kenobi’s shoulders tensed minutely, “Oh no I don’t mind.” He turned away and beckoned him into the room, “I take it the meeting went well?

“Just fine, Sir.” Cody shivered as he felt his feet step forward into the warmly lit office. He had been there a thousand times, there was no reason to feel lost.

General Kenobi shot him a quick glance as he leaned over his navigation table. He kept his eyes trained on the screen as he spoke, his tone artificially casual, “Everything alright, Commander?”

He felt like a corpse, dirty and cold, crawling with maggots.

General Kenobi flicked his eyes up to examine him, “Cody?”

“The Dennogra convoy will be ready on time, General.” Cody hadn’t taken his helmet off and he was thankful for the way it obscured his strained words. He needed to leave within the next couple minutes or something would break.

“I’m glad to hear that.” General Kenobi took a single cautious step towards him, “I would expect no less from you.”

“Do you think-” His voice went out and he had to restart, “Do you think we could discuss this at a different time.” This was too much, even for him.

General Kenobi snuck in another step, there was no hiding from a Jedi. “Of course, anything you’d like.”

Cody managed a short nod and clasped his hands behind his back, “Will that be all then, Sir?”

“Yes, you’re free to go, but,” Obi-wan closed the distance between them and reached for his shoulder like he did every day. “If something’s happened I hope you know-” he flinched as Cody’s hand snapped up to catch his arm midair.

Cody’s eyes went wide behind his visor.

“Cody.” Obi-wan’s voice was low and even like he was talking down a rabid dog, “Please let my arm go.”

Cody let his grip tighten for a split second before he dropped his hand and drew in a shaky breath.

“I would appreciate it if you told me what’s going on.” Obi-wan flexed his wrist where he had been grabbed but did not step away.

“So would I, Sir.” Cody could feel blood hammering through the vein on his neck.

Obi-wan had never looked at him this way, it might have been pity. “I just want to talk.”

Cody took his helmet off slowly so as not to cause any further alarm. He knew how wild he must have looked, there was no need for the force to tell anyone he was not well.

Maybe he would have left, but he hadn’t considered how horrible it would be to see Obi-wan without his helmet on to separate them. He had always been so handsome, even when he pulled at the wrinkles on his forehead or leaned in to show Cody his newest gray hairs. He was handsome when he laughed and pushed his front teeth out, when he winced and gripped Cody’s hand in pain after a battle. He was handsome when Cody had seen him for the first time after he faked his death and almost cried, he was handsome when Cody couldn’t see him, when he was lightyears away. And he was handsome in that room too, looking up at Cody with fear in his eyes and Rex’s words hanging between them, the most handsome man Cody had ever seen. 

“Why do you keep touching me?” Cody breathed out for the first time in his life. Losing battles was part of his job too, he had fought bravely and that was all that mattered.

Obi-wan’s face went still, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

“No.” Cody shook his head, “Not just now, for years.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“You could have done this to anyone.” There hadn’t really been a chance to get a word in with Rex and the built-up energy was making his whole body shake. 

Obi-wan lifted a hand in careful defense, “Cody I don’t know what-”

“Let me talk.” Cody barked, he could be written up for this behavior, how exciting. He straightened himself back up, he wasn’t falling, or drowning, he was in control. “Rex thinks we’re sleeping together.”

Obi-wan was still as marble and looked as though he could be knocked over with a gust of wind.

“And apparently it’s a fairly common theory, which means I’m not the only one who can see what’s going on.” He had to pause because there was no coming back from this, but Rex was gone now too, it was better to go down swinging. “You’ve always known the way I feel about you.” He had to bite back the instinct to add a ‘Sir’, “And you’ve always been quick to use me for a bit of attention when it’s convenient for you.”

“I beg your pardon?” Obi-wan’s face had gone pale but his voice was still tinged with valiant indignation.

Cody paid him no mind, “You’ve embarrassed me in front of my men, and you’ve gotten in the way of my duties as a Commander.” He spoke fast and sharp like he was addressing his officers, “If you want to make believe you’re a normal person who can have affairs and personal relationships you’re going to have to find someone else to play along.”

Something in Obi-wan’s eyes gave way, “You must know it has never been my intention to exploit your emotions.”

“ _My_ emotions?” Cody could have laughed, “You can’t put this on me, I never asked for anything. All I do is kriffing wait for permission to be with you and then you send me right back out again.”

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding-” Obi-wan’s voice was ragged and void of all his previous scorn.

“I don’t care.” Tears stung at Cody’s eyes but his face remained rigid, there would be time for regret later, he was finishing this. “I’m your commanding officer and nothing else. When this war ends you can go back to living your life and forget about me, but right now I’m just one of your men, so start acting like it.”

Obi-wan’s eyes grew wide suddenly like he’d been shot, “Please don’t say that, I can explain.”

Cody glared down at his hands, Obi-wan had no right to make this difficult. “I don’t need an explanation; I just want to be left alone.”

“ _Cody-_ ” Obi-wan lunged forward and grabbed him by the front of his chest guard, tugging Cody down as he tilted his head up.

Cody pulled away with a jerk before Obi-wan could kiss him, “Don’t you dare.” He hissed between gritted teeth.

Obi-wan shrunk back immediately, his hair fell into his eyes and he looked terrified, it was just as Cody had wished it on that balcony with the Zabrak.

“If you’re going to court-martial me,” the tears behind his eyes were hot and insistent, “You may want to suggest I be reassigned.”

He didn’t start crying until he got to his cabin, it had been years since the last time he cried, he’d forgotten it was something you couldn’t stop.


	4. What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think an alternative title for this fic could be: I promise I like Cody even though I write him like an asshole. 
> 
> I'm an oldest brother myself so the relationship between Cody and Rex was so much fun to write and I'm almost sad to see this end. I can't thank all of you enough for reading my work and supporting fanfic writers, readers are what keep fandoms alive!

It is always the same dream, since day one. There is blaster fire, a lightsaber, and a hooded figure. Every night the lightsaber gets closer as it cuts through the battlefield towards him, the figure beside him says nothing, though Cody knows what he must do. Every single night, it is always the same, the only change is how sharp the image becomes.

And then that night on the Negotiator, after crying till his lungs ached, he did not dream he was on the battlefield.

He was on Fest, in the mountains. It was a cold autumn night and the General had asked him to have tea in his tent. He did not notice how strange it was to be somewhere other than the familiar scene of carnage, he was just content and calm.

It was the second year of the war; things had not fallen apart yet and the sun was setting in a mesmerizing display of purple. His men were safe and keeping warm under thick blankets and around campfires _. I remember this,_ he thought with a smile, _I went to Obi-wan’s tent and he asked me to say his name._

“Coming?” The General asked, he was behind Cody and they were at the top of the hill, _I remember this._

“Yes!” Cody turned around and his heart swelled, Obi-wan was waiting for him. “Right behind you Sir.”

Obi-wan smiled, it was the second year of the war, everything had been so easy.

Cody wanted to go with him, that’s what he had done when it happened. He had gone into the tent, drank the tea, and left, but he couldn’t. The man in dark robes knew his name and this is what he had been born to do.

“I’m sorry.” He said, though he didn’t mean it.

Obi-wan’s smile was blinding, even in a dream. 

Cody lifted his blaster and shot him through the skull.

When he woke up his alarm had already been beeping for a few minutes and he nearly knocked it off the bedside table. They’d make the jump from Taskeed to Dennogra today and he needed to be on the main deck by 0700, he had ten minutes.

He groaned as his light flicked on and buried his face into his pillow. His eyes were sore and swollen from crying which meant that the events of the night prior had all been real. He really had said all of those things to Rex and General Kenobi.

There was no time to shave and he had to wash up quickly, but with the way his eyes looked he’d be wearing his helmet all day anyway. He pulled on a clean pair of blacks followed by his armor, and made it out of his room only seconds off his usual pace.

The cafeteria was a two minutes’ walk from the elevator and he was greeted with an array of salutes and nods from his men as he made his way down the hall. Once in the cafeteria, he waited in line for a bowl of rye-meal while the men behind him complained about the humidity on Anaxes. Then he went to a different station for a slice of toast and caf, he took it with cream.

He sat where he always did, in the corner farthest from the door and closest to the caf station in case he felt like a second cup. He took his helmet off and kept his eyes down as he ate. There was a message from Flank about the pilot assignments which he tapped a quick response to on his holo-pad.

He waited for the butter to melt on his toast and sipped his caf, it was always a bit too weak. He opened his mouth to complain about it like he did every morning, but Rex wasn’t sitting across from him in his usual spot, so he went back to his breakfast in silence.

The main deck was already a mess when he arrived at 0700, not a second late. Boil handed him a datapad with the coordinates for the Dennogra jump with a nod and Crys ran over with a letter for him to sign off on.

Trapper looked up from a navigation screen as Cody approached and gave a half-hearted salute, “The boys from the 501 st  didn’t file their casualty reports correctly, but other than that I think we’re only dealing with problems from the past few hours.” 

Cody gave him a tired nod, “Any news from the commando squad down on the surface?”

Trapper turned to sign a holo-pad that Rizz was pushing into his hands and answered Cody over his shoulder, “Don’t think so Commander, you’d be the first to hear about it.”

His first instinct was to comm General Kenobi, but he thought better of it.

Messages were starting to pile up on his datapad and men were coming at him from all angles with new questions for him to redirect to his sergeants. He should have had that second mug of caf, the chaos before a major jump was maddening and he’d only been on the main deck for a few minutes.

If Rex were there, he would have made some stupid comment about running a zoo, but the only men from the 501 st  around were navigational officers.

After overseeing the pre-jump setup on the main deck, he left for the bridge. General Kenobi would usually have sent him a good-morning message by 0730 but his private line remained silent.

The bridge wasn’t much better than the main deck as far as maintaining order went and a droid nearly ran over his feet as he entered. It was loud and bustling and Rex was leaning over a computer to the right. Cody walked past him without looking down and answered a comm from Crys who needed another signature.

General Kenobi was supposed to be on the bridge to help him with the orders coming in from the senate and check-ins from other battalions, but he was either very late or not coming. Without the General there to distract him with his weak grasp of technology and constant complaints about Skywalker’s antics Cody was done five minutes early. He walked back out of the bridge at 0825 past Rex who had not moved and took a shortcut through storage to the engineering room to get a report on the damaged transport shuttles.

He forgot to eat lunch because of an issue with one of their walkers and a faulty cannon.

The coordinates for their jump at 1430 were changed only once and did not cost them any time.

The commandos on Dennogra sent him a message once the ship was in hyperspace and gave him the location of the first campsite, which he sent to his sergeants and medical crew first.

When they came out of hyperspace, he went to a holo-meeting with Wolffe and Bly. Rex was supposed to join him but he’d sent Jesse in his place.

It was the most productive day he’d had since the separatists fired their first shot. General Kenobi did not bother him with requests for long meal breaks or mess up his weapons checks. Rex did not spend the whole flight following him around and complaining about new armor pieces, or raid his cabin for snacks and painkillers. Without the two of them slowing him down there was nothing in the way of his job. He was truly the Commander the Republic had paid for, at long last.

He made it the whole day, even had some time to take an extra-long shower and finally shave again. He washed the excess shaving crème off in the sink and wiped some of the fog from the mirror to get a good look at his face. His reflection blinked back at him and, kark, if it weren’t for the scar and a few extra wrinkles he’d look just like Rex.

-

The next day he went to Jesse because Rex wasn’t going to answer any of his comms. He still hadn’t let himself think about anything that had happened, but after a nice honest apology Rex would start talking to him again and he wouldn’t have to.

Jesse puffed out his cheeks and set his hands on his hips awkwardly, “I’m sorry Commander I don’t-I can check-no, actually…”

Cody watched him struggle and tried not to let his posture give away his annoyance. “I am aware that you’re probably under strict orders not to tell me where he is Lieutenant, but I outrank both of you.”

“I understand Sir.” Jesse was beginning to sweat, “I think, um, he might be in the med bay.”

Cody sighed; Jesse was brave to lie for Rex. “At ease, Soldier, I’ll find him myself.”

Jesse couldn’t hide his look of relief as Cody stalked off down the corridor.

They had three hours until the transport shuttles would start to warm up and the descent into Dennogra would begin. Once the mission started Rex would need to unblock his channel and Cody was hoping the first words they said to each other weren’t: “Comm check.”

Rex was not in the med bay or the flight deck, though he didn’t know why he even bothered to check. He was on his fourth elevator ride in the past twenty minutes and his legs were beginning to get tired from dragging himself all over the ship. He could have called up General Skywalker, but given his close relationships to both Rex and General Kenobi, he probably knew too much already.

He pulled his bucket over his head before stepping out into the 501 st  section of the cabin floor, if Rex was hiding from him, he’d be in his cabin. Cody had never even really seen his room on Coruscant, let alone one of his cabins on a ship, it was always Rex coming over to see him.

He stopped at Rex’s door and drew in a sharp breath before knocking, he was half hoping Rex wasn’t in there and he could have some more time to plan what he was going to say.

“Cody, if that’s you, you’d better be gone in the next five seconds.” Rex’s voice was muffled through the door but the hardness in his tone sent shivers down Cody’s spine.

Cody glanced around to make sure the hallway was empty before daring to reply, “Can we just, um-”

The door slid open to Rex’s blank face and a messy room with a half-assembled DC-17 on the desk. “Three seconds.”

“Hold on, I want to say-”

“And that’s your time.” Rex stared straight through him, “See you in two and half hours for flight prep, Commander.”

Cody caught the door before it could slide closed and set his feet, “I’m not here to fight.”

“Save it, okay?” Rex turned away and ran a hand over his buzzed hair. “Not now.”

“I’m sorry.” Cody winced, it sounded pathetic.

“Congratulations vod.” Rex sat down at his desk with a huff, “Can I get back to work now?” There was a picture above his head of Commander Tano and General Skywalker posing dramatically in what looked like bits of his armor.

Cody watched helplessly as Rex fiddled with the blaster on his desk, this was supposed to be easy. “We should talk before the mission starts.”

“None of this is going to affect the mission.” He growled, kicking some of the clothes on his floor out from under his desk, “I think we both know how to act like professionals.”

Cody crossed his arms and stepped forward to fill the doorway, “Can I apologize at least?”

“No.” Sparks shot up as Rex hit a wire on his disassembled blaster.

Cody clenched his jaw; he wasn’t going to get angry again, but Rex wouldn’t even turn around to face him. “Okay well, I’m sorry anyway.”

“No you’re not.” Rex lifted a hand to silence him but kept his back turned, “You’re sorry that we fought and you’re sorry I called you out, you’re not sorry for treating me like shit."

“Hey hold on-”

“You should be happy I don’t have this blaster up and running right now.” His voice was so completely calm and tight that Cody almost flinched, it was the tone Rex used on his men, not his older brother.

“Rex, c’mon.”

“Out.” Rex stood up in one swift motion and his chair skid on the floor as it was pushed away.

Cody could feel his breath getting shallow again, this was not how it was supposed to go. Yesterday had just been a mistake, they were both stressed out and said some things they didn’t mean, that was all.

When he didn’t move Rex stepped forward aggressively and pointed behind him to the hallway, “I don’t want to see you until the flight, get the kark out.”

There had been enough conflict in the past few days to fill a decade, so Cody conceded without a word and left him. The mirage of confidence was wiped away with one fell sweep and he let the coldness in, this was real, he’d finally crossed that line. He’d woken up twice since it happened and nothing had changed, you could only treat your problems like a dream for so long.

He went back to his cabin to steady himself before the flight prep and was thrown off by the starkness of his room as compared to Rex’s. He had no pictures on his walls, no projects on his desk, all his clothing was GAR issued and packed away tight into his drawers. What were his interests anyway? What would he fill a room with if given the choice? Rex seemed to know the answers for himself, but Cody was a blank slate.

He sat down on his bed; his sheets were made but why even bother? No one came to visit except Rex and General Kenobi, and he wouldn’t need to worry about that anymore. He looked around for something to throw at the wall but his desk was clear so he just squeezed his hands together as tight as he could. He could live without General Kenobi, he’d done it before and he’d do it again, but he’d miss Rex.

-

He saw General Kenobi for the first time since they stopped talking when they landed on Dennogra. They had taken separate shuttles down to the surface, which was strange, but Boil didn’t say anything so neither did Cody. _Does Boil also think the General and I-?_ Cody had to clear his mind every few minutes to stay in the moment, all that was over now.

General Kenobi watched him silently as he walked between shuttles checking in with various Captains and Lieutenants, he looked haggard and unkempt. They didn’t speak the entire march either; it was easier than he thought to ignore his own General, but hell his own men did it to him all the time.

Rex was true to his word and sent him messages and comms every few hours to update him on the 501 st ’s progress. Cody answered him as fast as he could each time, but Rex was only saying what he needed to. If this was how the rest of the war or at least the next few months was going to shape up, Cody decided he’d rather be shot in the kidney and spend the rest of it in a hospital as far away from everyone as he could get. 

Setting up camp was a welcome distraction from the silence. He even helped his men set up some of the bunks to avoid having to sit in the navigation tent alone. By the time the night patrol was up and running and he’d forced some dinner down he’d already sent a message to every kriffing person he could think of. The idea of lying in bed all night with nothing but himself again was making him nauseous, keeping busy was a tiring sport.

His personal comm line blinked and his suspicion peaked immediately, it was after hours now and most other officers were asleep. He had to read the name on the screen a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things wrong. 

_Anakin Skywalker_

Kark, was Rex making Skywalker their middleman for communication now? Cody wasn’t sure that was something anyone deserved. The message was only two words: 

_You up?_

Cody’s fingers hung over the keyboard instead of responding, he’d known Skywalker for years but, they weren’t really on after-hours-hangout terms. 

“ _Cody._ ” Someone whispered his name from outside his tent. 

He froze, “Um...Hello?” 

“ _It’s me._ ” General Skywalker was not good at whispering. 

Cody brought a hand to his temple and squeezed his eyes shut, sure, now this was happening too. “Do you want to come in General?” 

“Yep.” General Skywalker threw the door of his tent open and stepped in quickly, immediately popping his head back out to look around before turning to face Cody. “I don’t think he followed me, we’re good.”

Cody shrunk into his desk and eyed the General, he was dressed in his customary tight black robes, but his hair was more wild than usual like he had been running and his chest heaved slightly. Skywalker had always intimidated Cody in a strange way and he made an effort not to get himself backed into corners or left alone with the man; he just had a little too much manic energy. 

“So…” The General didn’t look at him while he spoke, not out of nervousness, he was just too busy examining the tent and picking at his fingers. “How are you, Commander?” 

“Holding up, Sir.” Cody shivered, the General had brought some of the cold air in with him, “Is there something you want to talk to me about?”

Skywalker flashed him a look and the whites of his eyes gleamed, “You could say that.” 

“Is something wrong?” Cody tried to catch his eye again but the General was already distracted by something else. 

“We’re friends, right?” 

Cody hesitated and Skywalker shot him an alarmed glance, “Y-Yes, Sir.” He winced internally, not a good save. 

“Okay, whatever.” General Skywalker waved his hands to quiet him, “I’m here as a friend anyway.” 

Cody shifted in his seat and pretended to be checking his datapad for new messages. 

“We don’t have very long,” Skywalker poked his head out the door flap again and checked both sides before re-emerging and trying to smooth his hair out. “So let’s just cut to the chase.” 

“I don’t-” Skywalker glared at him and Cody let his shoulders fall in defeat, denial would not make this end faster. “This is about General Kenobi.” 

“Yeah. Ya think?” 

“If it’s all the same to you, General,” The withering look he received could’ve melted iron, “I'd rather talk about the mission.” 

“That’s too bad.” Skywalker placed his hands on his hips and finally set his focus fully on Cody, “If the two of you get yourselves killed tomorrow cause you don’t wanna talk to each other, it's not gonna matter that you’d rather small-talk about the mission.” 

Cody was ready to be yelled at, maybe chastised a little, but this was a hands-on-hips, full-on scolding. 

“I mean,” Skywalker's laugh was so loud Cody nearly jumped, “I thought this was _my_ job y’know? The drama, the romance-”

“Sir-”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m havin’ a great time,” his fingers played idly with the clip of his lightsaber, “Kinda nice to be in the audience for once.” 

“Sir I don’t know what he’s told you,” Cody sat forward to regain some ground, “But I’d like my part in it to end here.” 

General Skywalker groaned, “I know this is serious, believe me, I do, but you guys are acting like somebody died.” 

Cody was so blindsided by this sudden ambush that he didn’t even have time to be confused. “I don’t think it’s very appropriate for us to be having this discussion, I have work to do.”

Skywalker frowned, “This stopped being appropriate years ago, suck it up.” 

Cody entertained the idea of yelling at a General for the second time in three days, “Did Rex send you here?” 

“Woah, woah,” General Skywalkers eyebrows shot up and he leaned back on his heels, “Whatever’s going on with you and Rex is your problem, I’m staying as far away from that as possible.” 

The reaction stung more than Cody let himself show. 

“Get mad all you want but I’m not gonna sit back and watch you two dance around each other for another six months, I’m gettin’ my hands dirty.” Skywalker set his hands back on his hips, it was clear he wasn’t going to leave. 

Cody tapped his fingers on his desk in annoyance while meeting the General’s challenging glare, “And what if this is what I want?” 

“Don’t insult me.” Skywalker narrowed his eyes, “I’ve been watching since day one cut the bantha.” 

The Jedi could be a difficult bunch, pretentious, vague, dismissive, but at least they weren’t all like this. 

Cody tore himself away from Skywalker's gaze and stared daggers into the floor. “Then you should know why we’re not on the best terms at the moment.”

“Maybe if you’d talk to him-”

“That’s not a good idea.” 

Skywalker laughed again, “And why is that? Please, I’m dying to know.”

Cody gathered the last of his pathetic dignity, “Because I’m angry at him.” 

“Then be angry!” General Skywalker threw his hands up as he shouted, his eyes were wild and he filled Cody’s small tent to the brim, “Don't be, agh! Don’t be this, don’t be _quiet_!” 

If this lecture had been directed at anyone else, Cody might have thought it was good advice. 

“You’re a smart guy Cody, he tells me all the time, but when has ‘professionalism’ solved anything?” Skywalker cocked his head but didn’t wait for an answer, “This stuff is messy, okay? And Obi-wan’s a tough person to care about, sorry, but we both know it.” He wasn’t yelling anymore; it was more like preaching. “The hard work is done, you understand? He’s already crazy about you, ya don’t even have to try. Moping around and feeling bad for yourself isn’t a good look, so get the hell out of this tent,” he pointed vigorously at the door, “And be a man about it.”

Cody felt like he’d been stapled to his seat, or maybe blasted with a jet engine for an hour or two. He watched Skywalker catch his breath in silence and suddenly found himself sympathizing with Rex’s lunacy, how could anyone spend all day with this?

“Even if...he did.” Cody couldn’t believe these words were coming out of his mouth, he’d done it, he’d gone mad. “He’s a Jedi. I know what the code means to him, I can’t just ask him-” He audibly yelped when General Skywalker lurched forward and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“ASK HIM!” Skywalker’s face was close enough that some of his hair blew forward and brushed Cody’s nose. He smelled like sweat and something sweet, the scar over his eye was more jagged up close, just like Cody’s. 

“Okay.” 

General Skywalker widened his eyes and tilted his head threateningly, “Okay?” 

Cody nodded stiffly, for someone with no personal life, this was feeling awfully personal. 

“Great!” Skywalker smiled brightly like nothing had happened and stepped back to push his hair back behind his ears. “Remember that pond we sent some men to check out earlier? He’ll be there in,” he squinted at the clock on Cody’s desk, “Twelve minutes.”

“Wait, right now?” Cody turned to look at the clock despite not having any idea what was being said to him. “It’s hours past sundown, Sir.”

Skywalker smirked, “What else are you gonna do? Sleep?” 

Cody opened his mouth and then closed it again, good point.

“C’mon, like I said, twelve…eleven minutes.”

Cody stood up but he still felt shorter than General Skywalker, his heart was racing, he’d never done anything this stupid. “You said the pond in the south-west corner?”

Skywalker rolled his eyes, “Yeah, south-west I don’t know. Hurry up it’d be weird if you got there at the same time.”

Cody walked to the door of the tent but couldn’t bring himself to reach out and open it. The things he’d said to Obi-wan were terrible, but none of it had really been a lie. Vomiting out an apology and pretended like all was well just to see him again would be dishonest to them both.

“Don’t tell him what he wants to hear,” Skywalker spoke gently for the first time since he’d arrived. “Trust me, I’m the expert.”

“On relationships?”

“No, on Obi-wan.” He quirked an eyebrow, “But thanks.”

Cody nodded and stepped out of his tent into the night, was this what life was like in the 501 st ? What a nightmare.

“Cody, don’t overthink it, okay?”

“Can I ask, General,” Cody pulled his jacket on and turned back to look at him. “Honestly, did he tell you to do this?”

Skywalker busied himself with fixing his robes, “No I mean, I’m sure the two of you would’ve worked it out eventually, just would’ve taken ages.”

“You sound very certain about that.” Cody knew he was stalling.

“You two just needed...a kick in the pants y’know? To get things going.”

“And this is-”

“Yeah.” General Skywalker clapped a heavy hand on Cody’s shoulder and gave him a violent shake. “This is me,” he grinned, “Kickin’ you in the pants.”

Cody only smiled once Skywalker had disappeared between the lopsided tents and into the darkness, if there was anyone that would survive the war it was that kid.

-

The sky was clear and Dennogra’s boulder of a moon beamed down on him between twisted branches and fluttering leaves. The sounds of bugs and the forest at night served as a calming static that kept his thoughts from running off on him as he quickened his pace, distancing himself from the glow of the camp.

There was nothing left to do but to take Skywalker’s advice, he did have a point after all, not being able to communicate freely would be dangerous on the battlefield. This was just part of his job, maintaining a relationship with his General, nothing to it. Cody began muttering curses to himself as he stomped through the forest. He could spend all of creation telling himself this was about the job, about war--whatever that meant--but there _was_ something to it. He’d spent so much time being a good soldier, why had it never crossed his mind to be a good man too?

He found the pond in only five minutes and stopped to catch his breath after confirming that he was alone. The water was still and glassy, the night sky reflected perfectly in the mirrored surface. He kicked a few rocks which sent ripples across the stars and buried his hands into his pockets.

When the pond was motionless again, he popped his collar against the breeze and looked up into the nebula it was reflecting. It was always nice to get off Coruscant and its foggy polluted skies to places like this. Growing up on Kamino and its perpetual gray clouds had made Cody a devout star gazer. He knew how lucky he was to have seen them, most people would only ever stare up into the galaxy, but he had done it, been to the stars.

There was someone behind him but he didn’t bother turning around, he knew who it was.

“It’s a lovely night.” Obi-wan sounded like he was around fifteen feet away.

Cody squinted, he was fairly certain the bright dot just above the trees was Taskeed, the planet they’d been orbiting only a day ago.

“Mind if I join you?” Obi-wan sounded closer, he was quiet when he needed to be.

“Here to talk about the weather?” Cody snapped, his temper was becoming a problem, he could feel it scratching at his chest.

“Have to start somewhere.” 

The silence was thundering. 

When Obi-wan spoke again his casual tone was nowhere to be found, “I’d like to apologize.”

Cody clenched his fists; he understood why Rex had kicked him out of his room, requesting an audience for an apology was a stupid thing to do. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Sir. Today went very smoothly.”

“I can only imagine what you must think of me now, after the way I acted.” Obi-wan didn’t sound like himself, his words came out clunky and awkward like a shinie doing their first weapons check. “I’ve accepted that our friendship may never again be what it was. I’ll even have you reassigned if that’s what you really want.”

Cody’s heart jumped into his throat, leaving the 212 th  would be the end of him.

“But before you go-” Obi-wan paused and Cody could hear him shift his feet, “There are just a few things I want to say.”

Staring into the sun always left you with a burn, but stars could be looked upon for hours and leave a body untouched. Cody had to keep his eyes on the twinkling light of Taskeed, facing Obi-wan would be too hard. “I told you I’m not looking for any explanations.”

Cody knew exactly the way Obi-wan was looking at him just from the way he spoke, “I’ve had a while to think about what you said to me.” He was probably wrapped up in his robes with his hands tucked into his sleeves, maybe his hair was a bit mussed from walking through the forest. 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Cody muttered, “I shouldn’t have gone to see you when I was like that.”

“Cody, please.”

Hearing the desperation in Obi-wan’s voice cut him like a razor. Letting himself end up here without any plan or reasonable escape was exactly the type of impulsive mistake he had always trusted himself not to make.

“Please, just a few minutes.” 

“Fine.” This was where he had gone wrong with Rex, the least he could do was listen. “What did you want to tell me.”

“That you were right.”

Cody looked down at the pond again and kicked at some pebbles near the water’s edge, he didn’t need to hear things he already knew. He’d be at Obi-wan’s feet begging for forgiveness if he had any inkling that he was in the wrong.

Obi-wan’s sadness seemed genuine but he was still holding back. “As your General, I have a certain degree of power over you that I didn’t want to admit I was misusing.” 

Cody shrugged, “Never stopped you did I?”

“I don’t think that makes it any better.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Cody,” Obi-wan’s accent made his name sound so regal, “Will you please look at me.”

He only needed to be asked once. The anger in Cody’s chest was gone the second he turned around and he let his jaw loosen. The whole thing was so ridiculous, it was just Obi-wan, his dearest friend. They were acting like kids and weren’t even doing a good job at it; Skywalker was right to laugh.

“I’ll beg if I have to.”

“You don’t, alright?” Cody watched the silhouette of Obi-wan’s shoulders relax. “I’m here, I’m listening.” 

“You are,” there was a smile in his voice, “Thank you.”

“So now what?” Cody began scanning the trees around them out of habit. “You tell me I was right, we have a drink, and then we forgive and forget? Run off into battle tomorrow like old times?”

“You do make it sound nice.”

“Nice for who?"

The wind rattled the branches above them casting short slivers of light over Obi-wan’s face. He was wearing the same sad smile he always had on when he was trying to comfort a wounded soldier. 

“Sorry,” Cody blew into his hands to warm them, “I’m supposed to be listening, aren’t I?”

Obi-wan sighed and began stepping over roots as he came towards him. “Well I’m not even sure where to start, so I don’t mind the small talk.”

Cody watched him tug his robes through the dirt and made no effort to stop the warmth spreading in his stomach. He always wished he had known Obi-wan when he was young, or maybe just before his life was overtaken by war, he must have been a sight to see.

“Shall I start at the beginning,” he was close enough now that Cody could make out the freckle on his cheek. “Or should I skip to the part where I ask you to give me another chance?”

“We came all the way out here, General.” The title fit so fondly in his mouth.

Obi-wan nodded, “The beginning it is then.” His fidgeting hands gave away his nervousness and he failed to meet Cody’s eye. “This isn’t going to sound particularly nice but, you deserve to hear all of it.”

Cody knew his voice would betray him and could only manage a feeble shrug of approval.

“You should know I’ve always believed in the force above all else.”

Cody mentally rolled his eyes; he should have known this was going to be just another heap of metaphors and nonsense about religion. 

“I know,” Obi-wan rushed to keep Cody’s attention, “That was a bad way to start, I just mean, I’ve never trusted anything else to guide me.” His voice dropped slightly, “And it has never led me astray, so I haven’t had any reason to doubt it, or put my faith in anything else.”

Cody had to bite his tongue, it wasn’t ‘The Force’ that guided the Jedi, it was the damn senate. And it certainly wasn’t the force that kept them safe either, that was his job.

Obi-wan gave him a long look but had to turn away before he could speak again. “So I was confused, for a long time. Because, and I know how this sounds, but from what I can see, or feel-anything, I don’t believe the force brought us together.”

The statement was unexpectedly harsh, but Cody knew Obi-wan too well to think he was done.

“And I don’t mean to say our meeting wasn’t without a purpose, I just don’t feel the pull, I’ve never seen you in any of my visions, the council makes no mention of you, nothing.”

It took everything Cody had not to walk away. He was certain he’d never recover from this, maybe a fiery ending had been the better option all along.

“I’m sure of it now, there’s never been anything telling me-” Obi-wan had to stop and take a breath to gather himself. “I didn’t know why I was still drawn to you. Everything came so naturally, we became so close; I-I couldn’t explain it.”

There was a coin in Cody’s pocket that he was flipping between his fingers as fast as he could to keep his mind from skipping ahead.

“And the truth is I could wait all eternity for the force, or the council to tell me I should be with you.” He searched the sky for a moment and when he dropped his eyes back down to Cody’s face it seemed he had found what he was looking for. “But that will never happen. I’m never going to have the permission I’ve been waiting for.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Cody rasped. 

“Because it’s the same thing I’ve been doing to you.” There were tears in his eyes, but his confidence was restored. “It is not the Jedi way to feel so strongly, and our bond was not the will of the force, but,” his posture collapsed like a great weight was being lifted from him, “I trust you.”

Cody’s feet stuttered and Obi-wan strode towards him so they could meet halfway.

“Wanting you has never shaken my faith in the way I was told it would, you’re far too strong.”

“You want me.” It wasn’t a question. 

“I do.” Obi-wan’s hands were cold when they found Cody’s. “In the simplest way.”

They were standing so close their feet sat on opposite sides of each other and Cody could see the blue in Obi-wan’s eyes, even in the dark.

“I’m not going to insult you any further by telling you that I’ve come to think of you as more than a friend, or that I care about you more than the code would ever have me admit. You already know all that.” Cody tried to look away but Obi-wan brought a gentle hand up to his cheek, “I just want to tell you that I love you.”

Cody finally knew how the dreams ended; he knew what the man in dark robes would ask him to do when the time came. He knew the only chance he had at stopping the inevitable would be to walk away, to drag himself out from Obi-wan’s arms and never look back. But maybe he’d already killed him, just by being born, and if that were true then why deny himself just this one small moment.

Cody pulled Obi-wan in and buried his nose into his neck, “I do too.” Agreement was the sweetest form of confession. 

“I’m so sorry,” Obi-wan’s voice broke and his tears spilled out into Cody’s shirt. “I wasted so much time.”

Cody reached up to run a hand through Obi-wan’s hair and it was like he’d been doing it all his life. “It’s alright, I loved every second of it.”

“Darling.” Obi-wan pulled away and lifted both hands to Cody’s face, his fingers traced all the way from the top of the scar to the base of Cody’s jawline.

It was terrifying to be touched so gently, Cody could drown in it. “Can I-”

“Please.”

Cody kissed him for the first time.

He’d spent his whole life longing for the past, all he ever did was remember. Kamino, the beginning of the war, the months before Obi-wan cut his hair, when Rex and Fives used to steal his helmet and drive him mad, as soon as something ended Cody would want it back again. But Obi-wan fit against him so nicely that suddenly he wanted to be exactly where he was.

Cody felt him smile into the kiss and pulled back to look at him again, Obi-wan’s bangs had come loose and Cody reached up to push them back in place. He couldn’t help but laugh, he’d always wanted to do that.

Obi-wan flushed at the sound and uncertainty flickered through his eyes, “Sorry I’m not very-I don’t have much experience when it comes to-”

“Shut up.” Cody grinned and pulled Obi-wan’s hips forward sharply to silence him, “I’m getting really tired of talking.”

Somewhere in their walk back to his tent, he forgot what he had done. He forgot the Sith Lord and the blood and emptiness that lay ahead of them. The dreams were only dreams after all, and Obi-wan was safe with him, always had been.

-

It all could have faded to black right there on Dennogra and Cody wouldn’t have cared. It was the happy ending they didn’t deserve, a moment so perfect that whatever followed would only serve to tarnish it. Instead he woke up and went into battle.

The 212 th  and the 501  st  both lost men but the mission was still a success. Rex didn’t look at him on the march back to the campsite, so Cody didn’t message him. Obi-wan kissed him again and again and he didn’t write his report on time. Boil asked if it was because he was sick, and he said yes. Then they were back on the Negotiator and the orders to storm the separatist stronghold on Yerbana came through.

Cody started spending his nights in Obi-wan’s cabin and it was the easiest thing he’d ever done. They didn’t even need to talk about it, they were already so firmly set into each other’s lives that this final step didn’t seem like much. Cody had always loved him, only difference was now he had somewhere to put it.

“You know something?” He said one night while propped up against Obi-wan’s pillow, “Skywalker’s a good kid.”

Obi-wan smiled against his chest, “Isn’t he?” 

Cody started to wonder how he’d ever fallen asleep without Obi-wan’s soft hair tickling his chin, or the quiet sound of his General’s snores drowning out his scattered thoughts.

He wanted to tell Rex how happy he was, he wanted to joke that Obi-wan had freckles all over and see the way Rex would roll his eyes and cover his ears. Rex would be happy for him, maybe he was, he had to have heard from someone what was happening.

There were other things Cody wanted to tell him too, like that he didn’t mean what he said about Commander Tano, or that he wished he had responded to Rex’s message about Fives dying instead of deleting it and never bringing it up again. If he could he’d tell Rex he was sorry for leaving him to train with Alpha-17 alone, he could have stayed and they could have been ARC troopers together, but he was selfish and wanted to be a Commander. He’d apologize for teasing him when they were kids, even if Rex didn’t remember, he had just been so sweet and gullible that Cody couldn’t help himself.

Things went south on the bridge at Yerbana, Rex and the 501 st  had to swoop in and save them.

Cody wished he could thank him, not just for the save but for keeping himself safe and standing by his side for as long as he had. He wanted Rex to know how important he had been to what little of their childhood they had been allowed to live. Rex had been such a good little brother, the best. He’d give anything to play one last game of ball in the rec room on Kamino, he’d even let Rex win a round or two.

But the last good thing he could do was learn to think of Rex as the man he was, not the funny little cadet he missed so badly. Rex was right, like he always was. The war hadn’t changed him, he’d just grown up and Cody should have known better.

He got the news about Commander Tano’s return from Obi-wan and he didn’t know how to explain why he was crying. Obi-wan had been so worried but Cody just shook him off and wiped his face in embarrassment. “I’m fine, it’s alright I’m just happy, y’know?”

Obi-wan frowned, he knew when he was being lied to, “About Ahsoka?”

“Yeah.” Cody pushed himself away from his desk to stand and droop his arms around Obi-wan’s shoulders. “Rex and General Skywalker must be doing flips.” 

“They are, yes.” Obi-wan raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t know you felt so strongly about her leaving.”

“I don’t-I mean,” Cody shook his head, “I _am_ happy she’s coming back--don’t give me that face.”

Obi-wan continued to give him a face, “What is it then?”

Cody chuckled and pressed a kiss to Obi-wan’s temple, “Nothing, I’m serious. It’ll just be good to see her and Rex back at it again, that’s all.”

Obi-wan hummed in agreement, “You should see what he’s got planned for her arrival, lots of painting going on down in the barracks.”

“Ah, I’ll just get in the way.” Cody dropped his forehead down to Obi-wan’s shoulder so he could hide his face. Other than himself, Commander Tano was the only person he trusted to keep his brother in one piece. Even if Rex never said another word to him, at least Cody knew he’d be safe.

Obi-wan gave his hip a reassuring squeeze, “I hope this is a good sign.”

Cody didn’t find out Rex had been made a Commander until they were back on Coruscant and he was lightyears away on Mandalore. His heart had surged with so much pride that it left him feeling lightheaded. He sent Rex a short message of congratulations while on the way to Utapau even though he knew the 501 st  was busy and no one would read it.

_CT-7567,_

_Heard about the promotion, about damn time vod. Hope you take yourself out for a drink once Maul is in the bag. Commander to Commander, you deserve it. -Twenty-two_

CC-2224

 _Marshal Commander, 7_ _ th  _ _Sky Corps_

If he’d known at the time that it was the last chance he’d ever have at telling Rex any of the millions of things he wanted to say he would have typed more. But then again, he’d had so many chances and he never took any of them, would it really have made a difference? 

-

After Utapau, he didn’t hear anyone say Obi-wan’s name for nineteen years.

“Senator Organa’s daughter!” The stormtrooper said as he pushed a datapad into Cody’s hands, pointing at the screen in excitement, “There was a prison break, Sir, not even Lord Vader could stop them! There was an old Jedi too, Obi-wan Kenobi, we all thought he died during the purge.”

Cody stared at the screen and read the name over and over until the trooper started shifting his feet awkwardly.

“Is that the report you needed?” The trooper asked, polite but confused. 

“I knew him.”

“Sir?”

Cody smiled, “The Jedi, I knew him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh I think my next project needs to be about something happier, fake dating, road trip?? Idk man what do you guys think? Also maybe the only reason I wrote this was so I could have Anakin send a "u up?" text. 
> 
> I'm always available on tumblr @cafffine if you have a request or just wanna be friends, I only post about star wars and gay shit :)
> 
> Anakin, throwing his popcorn to the side: Ok fuck it.


End file.
